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“June, stop, please, you know how crazy you sound right now? Obviously there’s some mistake! The store got it wrong, they got it mixed up and gave you the recipient details, which is me! Don’t you see? Think about it, June! Why would I do that? It makes no sense! Why would I send myself flowers and pretend to everyone they’re from my mother?”
“Because she’s dead!”
“Luis?” I’m crying. Sobbing, really. Big wet sobs that bubble up and explode in a series of snotty eruptions.
“What’s wrong, babe? Where are you?”
“I’m in my car,” I say. I managed to drive away because I didn’t want to sit outside June’s house but I only made it two blocks and I had to get off the road before I caused an accident.
“You have to help me, Luis,” I whisper.
“Baby, I can’t hear you. I don’t understand what you’re saying. Have you been in an accident?”
“No, it’s June. She said…”
“She said what?”
“Oh Luis…I did some bad things…”
“What things, babe?”
I put my hand over my mouth so that no one hears me, even though I’m alone in the car. “I killed my mother,” I whisper.
His silence is long and distant and slices at my heart. I think he’s hung up. Out of the blue a thought pops into my head:Did he already know?
What did you do?
“Am I crazy?” I bring my hand over my eyes. I’m so frightened I can’t bear it.
“Oh, Anna. Honey.”
“I killed my mother!” I can barely speak after that. Every word comes out chopped, lurching into the next. It’s like I’m speaking in morse code—everything has to be interpreted, linked into a sentence. “My mother has been dead for sixteen years. I’ve been sending myself flowers.”
“No, Anna, no.”
“Luis, I’m so sorry…” Again I drop my voice so low, so low that maybe even I can’t hear it.
“Listen to me, Anna.” His tone makes me snap to attention. “I don’t know what June thinks she’s doing, but you didnotkill your mother, do you hear me? That’s insane! Don’t you think we would know if your mother was dead?”
“I don’t know,” I wail. “Would we?”
“Yes! Of course! Don’t listen to June, Anna. Come home now. We’ll call your mother together, and then we’ll go and talk to June, okay?”
“I haven’t spoken…to my mother…in such a long time, Luis.”
He is silent for a moment. When he speaks again, his tone is different. Softer, but heavier. Weighted with pity. “It’s going to be okay, Anna. No matter what you did, baby, I love you. I will always love you. I’m here for you. No matter what.”
A man with a dark beard knocks on my window.You all right?he mouths.
I nod, raise my hand.Thank you, I wave.Please go, I’m all right. The man hesitates, then tips his hat and walks away. But I’m not all right, I’ll never be all right, and what is going to happen to my kids when I die? Because I’m going to die. People like me don’t get second chances. They’re going to put me in prison for a very long time for all the bad things I did.
“Where are you?” I ask.
“At the studio. But I’ll come home as soon as I can. I’ll see you there, okay, babe? We’ll call your mom together. And everything will be fine, you’ll see. No matter what happens, Anna, we’ll get you some help, I promise. No matter what. But it will be okay. You’ll see.”
“How long… will you be?”
“One hour max. Okay? Don’t go back to June’s on your own please, babe. Wait for me. We’ll find out exactly what’s going on together, you and me, then we’ll go back and tell June. Together. It’s going to be okay. I promise.”
