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The beast shifted inside me, acquisitive, possessive. The hunger of a boy who’d been denied everything precious to him. The desperation of a man who now realised there had only been one thing he’d ever truly wanted.
Her.
As a child, I’d been forbidden any emotional attachments, and as an adult I still had to be careful. Because my father had had no compunction in using emotional attachments to get what he wanted. He hadn’t cared who he hurt in the process, but I had, so I’d made sure that no one got close to me. I’d kept my distance by being hard, by being ruthless, by being cold.
But Jenny had somehow got past all my defences and found her way into my heart.
I still remembered the day I’d fallen in love with her. I’d returned to Madrid after an extremely hard six-month stint in the States, setting up a new Silver Inc company office.
I’d come home very late and headed straight to my room, only to find Jenny sitting at the top of the stairs dressed in nothing but an oversized T-shirt. The moment she’d seen me she’d leapt to her feet and her face had lit up as if someone had turned a light on inside her.
It had been me she was waiting for. Me who’d turned on that light.
‘I just wanted to tell you that I’m so glad you’re home,’ she’d said. ‘And that I missed you.’
People were afraid of me. They never lit up when I walked into a room. They were never glad I was home, and they certainly didn’t miss me.
How could I not have fallen in love with her in that moment? How could I have resisted?
And I hadn’t resisted. But I’d known that there could be nothing at all between us. She’d been only eighteen and I nearly ten years older. My emotions had been intense, toxic things that I would never expose her to.
So I’d distanced myself from her. I’d pushed her away.
That had hurt her, I knew that, and I knew if I denied her now I would hurt her again.
I didn’t want to do that. I didn’t want to hurt her, not any more. And my own denial wasn’t working.
We didn’thaveto have a platonic marriage. Not if I was careful. I was a master at cutting my emotions off, and maybe allowing myself a physical relationship with her would even help matters. It might be a safety valve.
I could still keep her safe. I could.
‘Are you sure that’s what you want?’ My voice had deepened, got rough, and I let it. ‘A physical marriage?’
She was blushing furiously. ‘Yes.’
‘You must be sure,’ I said roughly. ‘You must be very,verysure.’
Some of my desperation must have shown in my voice, because she gave me a worried look. ‘Yes, of course I’m sure. Why?’
I couldn’t keep still any longer. If she wanted to know why then I would show her.
I stepped forward, crowding her against the window seat, luxuriating in the sexual tension that pulled taut between us. She gave a little gasp, her dark eyes widening. Then I leaned forward, putting my hands on the cushions either side of her, caging her with my body.
‘This is why,’ I said, and gave her a glimpse of the beast that lived in my heart, the one that wanted her with a desperation that bordered on madness.
I heard her breath catch, saw her pupils dilate. A hectic flush bloomed over her cheeks, the pulse at the base of her throat accelerated.
Disappointment was already gathering inside me because I knew that one glimpse would be enough. She’d change her mind. I would frighten her and she wouldn’t want any part of me, not again.
She smelled delicious, fresh and sweet. Pushing myself away from her would be difficult. But I would do it. I’d already frightened her twice since we’d arrived here.
There wouldn’t be a third time.
‘If you’re trying to scare me,’ she said huskily, ‘you’re doing a terrible job.’
My whole body went taut. ‘Jenny—’
‘I’m not afraid of you. When will you believe me?’
