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‘I want to see inside. See where the man who puts people on the map lives.’
He makes a show of holding his heart as if in pain. ‘With no pre-warning? No time to make it look like I’m a very neat, orderly person who has their life together?’
I grab his hand and pull him towards the cottage. ‘Exactly! I want to see how you live withnopre-warning.’
‘This goes against my better judgement, but OK.’
He finds his key and I trail in behind him while he flicks on the light switch.
‘If I’d have closed my eyes and pictured your place this is exactly what I’d have imagined,’ I say. The living room is full of stuffed-to-the-brim bookshelves. A wrinkled leather sofa sits in the middle, with only a throw rug for company. How many times has Finn fallen asleep there reading a book or working on a story?
We go through to the kitchen where a big dining table resembles a work desk. It’s covered with paperwork, old newspapers and magazines. ‘You can’t trust an orderly writer. Isn’t that the saying?’ He grins.
‘Something like that.’ His cottage is warm and inviting and I feel at home, like I do in my own. There’s no fancy artwork, no priceless objets d’art. Instead there are framed photographs of his sisters from when they were little girls in pigtails,to their school and university graduations. Finn stands to their left like a proud father celebrating their accomplishments. ‘These are great,’ I say. ‘Where are your parents?’ I study each photograph and can’t spot them.
‘My parents?’ he says and then looks at the collection of his sisters’ accomplishments. ‘There was no relationship with my father – he breezed in and out of my life. And my mum died a few years ago.’ So that’s why he’s been there for the girls. But I look at these school pictures when the girls were young and his mum isn’t in those either.
At the mention of his mum Finn’s face falls. Is it too soon to pry? It doesn’t seem like he wants to open up so I let it slip away.
The mood has turned sombre so I wrap my arms around Finn and kiss him full on the lips. The man has the ability to make me literally swoon. Who knew that was possible? I hold him tightly and we kiss all our worries away …
Chapter 17
The day of the People Library experiment arrives and with it a fresh downpour of summer rain, making the air thick with humidity. I stay under the top sheet unwilling to leave bed just yet. The weekend replays like a movie reel, and I let the pictures float past so I can enjoy them once more. Staying at Finn’s place had been a revelation and just thinking of him sends a flurry of goose bumps along my skin.
I’m falling head over heels for the guy – can I stop myself now from getting in too deep? It’s too late. I feel it in my heart. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a man. He makes me feel like I matter, that every word that falls from my lips is worth listening to. But more than that, it’s the personheis that I’m drawn to. Would our relationship have the same dynamic if he knew I was Ellie Astor, not Elodie Halifax? Which version of me is real? I feel torn down the middle when I think of my life in London and my life here. Add Finn into the mix and I’m at a loss about my place all over again. It’s the fact that I can’t fully commit to Finn, not knowing if I can stay long term. But my body, mind and soul want to. I want to fully immerse myself in a relationship with this man who has set my heart on fire, but can I? What if he feels I deceived him no matter what my intentions were?
There’s no time to ponder it all. Today is the very first session of the People Library, with Harry sharing his story. We plan to hold four events, where each ‘book’ gets the spotlight for one day. Once those sessions are done, all four ‘books’ will be available on the same day. This way, their first day is special. We’ll also be able to make sure they’re comfortable before getting ahead of ourselves in terms of allowing members to reserve them in the future.
After a shower I dress and head to work with a handful of posters I had made specially for the experiment.
At the library, Sofia greets me at the door. ‘Good morning!’ she says, her arm linked through Harry’s, for moral support. Harry is dressed in his threadbare suit but looks for all the world like he’s walking to his execution. Green around the gills is an understatement. Should we have started the People Library with Sofia who is a lot more confident?
‘Good morning!’ I say brightly. ‘You OK, Harry?’
Sofia rubs his arm. ‘A small crisis of confidence, that’s all. Nothing a good breakfast and strong cup of tea won’t fix, eh, Harry?’
‘I don’t think I can eat, sorry.’ He swallows as if trying to hold down a wave of nausea.
‘’Course you can eat,’ she says. ‘It’ll settle your stomach.’
I paste on a smile while internally I fret. If Harry backs out it won’t look good but that’s not my main concern. It’s that I know he’ll regret it later. ‘Let’s get you settled, Harry, and you can tell us what’s worrying you.’
Inside I flick on the lights and put the People Library posters on the desk to hang later.
Sofia wanders off to sort Harry’s breakfast and get the tea things ready.
‘Sorry, Elodie. I thought I could do this, but now the day has arrived, I’m not sure I can.’
My stomach drops. I should have factored in nerves and had a backup plan. It’s understandable the human books are going to feel a range of emotions about sharing their private lives and might want to abort mission. There’s already a long list of members who’ve ‘reserved’ a spot with Harry but I don’t tell him that. I don’t want to add to his worry.
I motion for him to take a seat and give him a comforting pat on the shoulder. ‘I totally understand, Harry. This is a daunting experience, no two ways about it. If you really don’t feel comfortable doing it, I won’t push you. This experiment is only going to work if our “books” are at ease and I would hate you to go up there and feel like you’d made a mistake agreeing to this.’
He rubs at his freshly shaven face. ‘What if they think I’m a horrible person? That I made bad choices and I deserve to be where I am?’
I’m sure I can feel my heart shatter at the thought.Poor Harry!It always comes back to that fear of judgement. This is what weneedto change. ‘You’re afraid they’ll judge you unkindly?’
‘Why wouldn’t they?’ His voice is hoarse like he’s been crying. I’m in two minds whether this is a good option for Harry or the very worst idea ever. It’s so hard to know because he’s first cab off the rank.
