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And then I do what anyone struggling to keep the peace between warring factions does to unite them: I find them a common enemy.
I ground them both, take away their screens, and force them to spend the long summer days sorting through clothes and toys and books in their bedrooms in preparation for our move next month. They’re both so furious with me, they forget to be angry with each other.
But I know the detente won’t last.
I untangle the bedding on the floor now and get into bed, floating the sheet across us both and settling back against the pillows. I pick up my book, but I’m too tense to read. I don’t know what more I can do to keep my family safe. My father was right: I should never have been allowed to have children. Tom is a good man: I’d always hoped his genes would win out over mine, but clearly that’s not the case with our son. Poor Tom.
Peter has known nothing but love. Neither of us have ever raised a hand to him, not even to slap his fingers away from a hot stove. I have to hope it’s not too late for him. I managed to channel the liabilities of my personality into an arena where they becameassets: my inability to connect emotionally with my patients and feel their fear is what enables me to stay cool under pressure and save their lives. I have to believe I can help Peter do the same.
Maybe moving to a new house will give us all a new start. I know I’m pinning too much on the idea, but what else do I have?
Tom switches off his bedside light and turns towards me. His bare torso is gilded amber by the streetlight outside. He’s been working out, I realise suddenly: he has the sharply defined abs of an Olympic swimmer.
‘Millie, you’ve got to let this thing with Peter go,’ he says, taking the unread book from my hand. ‘He’s got some problems, we know that, but he hasn’t inherited some sort of “bad seed” from you. What happened with your father wasn’t your fault. You’re not a bad person. If you wanted to, you’d be perfectly placed to kill dozens of people without anyone ever knowing, but you go into that hospital and save lives every day.’
‘I break into people’s houses, Tom.’
‘And stealpaperclips!’
He thinks he knows me. Poor Tom. He doesn’t realise honesty can be as big a smokescreen as deceit.
I take my book from him again.
He has no idea what I had to do to survive.
kyperlife
kyle and harper share their truth
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Hi, my lovely Kyper Nation, I’msograteful to you for showing up today, because it’s been a really, really traumatic week and this is going to be a super emotional episode. I’m, like, baring my soul to you today, and this is so,soincredibly painful, but I feel like I need to share my truth with you, because I need to be my authentic self with you even when it hurts.
You know me and Kyle think of you all as our family. Some of you have been following our story since the beginning and it’s been a roller-coaster ride, hasn’t it? Honestly, we couldn’t have made it without you.
We’ve been super lucky with this vlog and all our lovely sponsors like SugarPop and Poshnet – and don’t forget to check out the links to their websites below before you go, peeps, because they’re totally awesome and they’ve got some amazing deals right now.
But me and Kyle have had our rough patches, too, like everyone, and sometimes you have to nearly lose something to realise how precious it is, like in that song, you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone, it’s just sotrue.
Sometimes it feels like a relationship is over but really it’s a moment for growth and understanding and to lean into your partner, you know?
The thing is, what you all need to know is, this week Kyle came to me and confessed, oh, this is, like, really hard for me to say—
[Sobbing]
So, Kyle told me, he admitted he’d been intimate with someone else.
I was in absolute bits, I’m not going to lie. I just never thought this could happen tous. I couldn’t understand how my Kyle could do this to me.
So I said to Kyle, you have to leave now, I can’t trust you, and he was devastated too, because he didn’t want to lose me, and he said he didn’twantto cheat, but he couldn’t help it because it turns out he’s basically suffering from an addiction. He said sex is his addictive behaviour, that’s where he goes to hide his feelings, to run away from reality, it’s like it’s hisdrug.
And once I started to understand it wasn’t his fault, I realised I had to help him, because that’s what Meghan would do, isn’t it?
So I told him, look, I’mherefor you. I’m willing to work on this. I want this family to work. Our sponsors said they were behind us one-hundred-and-ten percent. The amazing people at Poshnet even arranged for Kyle to have therapy for his sex addiction and that’s why you haven’t seen him so much in the last few vlogs, he’s been working on himself.
Seriously, peeps, I love Kyle so,somuch. It’s been super hard recently, because it’s not easy to get the trust back, is it? But we’ve both been putting in the work to repair our marriage, and I just wanted to share where we are on our journey with you, because I know lots of you have been in my shoes and I’m just humbled by all the messages of support you’ve been sending.
So I thought, why not use our trauma to help people? I mean, if you guys can learn from our experience, it’ll have been worth it, you know?
