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That’swhat he meant when he came to my house and said he’d been a fool.That’swho he’s been having an affair with: his daughter’s teenage best friend.
I’m almost grateful when Caz’s faux pas breaks my shocked paralysis. Seizing the excuse, I flee the hotel and race along the cliff top, heedless of where I’m going. I’m grateful for the full moon that illuminates the path,finding my way across the rocks and down to the lagoon almost by instinct. There is something primeval about the sound of the waves crashing on the shore in the darkness, the tang of salt in the air, and I stand on the empty beach and let the sound sweep through me, riding the tide of my anger, the release so intense it’s almost erotic.
Now that I know, I can’t imagine how I didn’t see it before. It was all too evident in the furtive, guilty glances Andrew was throwing Taylor all evening. It was written all over the girl’s pale, lovesick face whenever she looked at him. But it’s obvious Bella has no idea what’s gone on between them, and I hope to God it stays that way. The double betrayal would break her heart.
Andrew’s always liked women:women, not girls. He’s never been able to say no to a pretty face. But Taylor is just a teenager! She’s thirty years younger than he is! I know he’s a narcissist, but this is a low watermark, even for him. Their relationship may be legal, but morally and ethically, he’s just put himself beyond the pale for every parent I know.
I don’t hear Andrew come up behind me, and jump when I turn and see him standing just feet away. We stare at each other for a long moment in silence. He can tell instantly from my expression that I know. You don’t live with someone for the best part of a decade and a half and not learn to read in their face that the past has caught up with you.
Fear, guilt and calculation play across Andrew’s features, but I realise suddenly I haven’t once seen surprise since Caz’s gaffe. Notshock.He must haveknown about Taylor’s pregnancy already. The son-of-a-bitch. Heknew, and instead of taking some responsibility and helping Taylor decide what to do, or at least paying for the poor girl’s abortion, he left her to figure it out alone. All he cares about now is that he doesn’t get caught. I don’t think I’ve ever hated anyone more than I hate him in this moment.
‘Get away from me,’ I say, my voice hard and unforgiving.
‘Lou, let me explain—’
‘There is nothing you can say,’ I bite, ‘nothingthat excuses this.’
I can’t imagine how I ever found him attractive. There is no substance to him, nothing of any worth. The precise qualities that make him such a brilliant television presenter also conceal the fact that he’s an appalling human being.
‘I’ve been an idiot, I know that,’ Andrew pleads. ‘You don’t know, Lou, you weren’t there. It wasn’t something I planned. If I could take it back, I swear to God I would. It was the biggest mistake of my life.’ He realises from my stony expression his openingmea culpagambit isn’t working, and abruptly changes tack, his tone freighted now with accusation. ‘Look, we all make mistakes. You let me think I was Tolly’s father when—’
‘Taylor isseventeen!’ I interrupt angrily. ‘She’s still a child!’
‘She knew what she was doing,’ he says, a sullen sneer creeping into his voice. ‘It wasn’t her first time, trust me.’
My fury and outrage boil over. I slap his face, hard, and even in the darkness I can see the red imprint my hand has left. ‘Don’t you dare!’ I shout. ‘Youdid this! She’s the same age as your daughter! That’s not an affair, it’sabuse! How would you feel if one of your friends had done this to Bella?’
He looks repelled. ‘Don’t be disgusting.’
‘Can you hear yourself?’ I demand incredulously. ‘How could you, Andrew? She’s still at school! How could youeverthink this was OK?’
Finally, he has the grace to look discomforted. ‘Look, it just happened a few times,’ he mutters. ‘She was always hanging around, making eyes at me. She asked me to show her around the studios, but she made it clear what she really wanted. It’s not like the girl wasn’t willing.’ He rubs the side of his face with an injured air. ‘Fuck, you could have broken my nose, Louise. I can’t go to work on Monday with my face like—’
I swear to God, if we were on the cliff top instead of the beach, I’d push him off. ‘You got that girlpregnant,’ I hiss. ‘And then you left her to cope with it on her own. Bella paid for her to have a termination, did you know that? Your sixteen-year-old daughter had to arrange to abort her own half-brother or sister! Can you imagine what that’ll do to her if she ever finds out?’
‘She won’t unless you tell her,’ Andrew says sulkily. ‘The problem’s sorted now, isn’t it? The girl will get over it. I’ve told her we’re finished. I don’t know why she’s here this weekend, to be honest. She’d better notbe thinking about telling Caz,’ he adds nastily. ‘Now she’s got rid of it, it’ll be her word against mine.’
I literally have no words. The man has no shame or remorse. I never thought I’d pity Caz, but I do now, married to this amoral bastard.
‘Taylor is achild,’ I repeat bitterly. ‘You can’t rely on her to keep your secret forever. I’m not even sure she should.’
‘Look, Lou. I get it,’ Andrew says quickly. ‘But there’s no need to be jealous. She honestly didn’t mean a thing. It was just a stupid fling.’ He takes a step towards me, pouring every ounce of charm he can muster into his gaze. ‘You’re the only woman I’ve ever cared—’
‘Stop,’ I interrupt, sick to my stomach. ‘Just stop. I don’t want to hear it. Stay away from Taylor or you’ll havemeto deal with.’
I leave him standing on the shore, filled with a loathing so visceral I can taste its acrid bitterness at the back of my throat. I feel dirty by association, as if I need to go home and scrub myself clean. I slept with this man just a few days ago! I enabled him, as I have done for so many years. That makes me part of his grimy story.
My foot hits a loose stone, and I slip, my ankle turning as I stumble. It takes me a moment to regain my balance, and when I do, I suddenly see my mother hidden in the shadows of the cliff.
‘Mum! You startled me,’ I exclaim. ‘What are you doing down here?’
‘I was worried about you,’ my mother says. Herdelicate gold scarf flutters behind her in the breeze. ‘You disappeared. Min said she thought you’d gone down to the beach, so I came to see everything was all right. This path can be dangerous, especially at night.’
Her expression is unreadable, but there’s something in her eyes that gives me pause. Voices carry across the water. What might she have heard?
‘How long have you been there?’ I ask her.
‘Long enough,’ Mum says.
