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‘Could you keep an eye on Lottie for a bit?’ I ask.
‘No problem,’ she says, casting Ian a knowing glance. ‘Have fun.’
The drifts of powdery sand are oddly cool beneath my bare feet, and it’s surprisingly dark once we get beyond the immediate penumbra of light from the hotel. The susurration of the waves on the shore is erotic and, when Ian pulls me towards one of the serried ranks of double “honeymoon‘ sunloungers, I don’t hesitate.
‘Know anything about stars?’ Ian asks, gazing up at the night sky.
‘Ursa Minor,’ I say, pointing. ‘That W? That’s Cassiopeia. And Andromeda, over there, look. The bright star.’
‘How d’you know all that?’
I shrug. ‘It interests me.’
‘What’s your star sign, then?’
‘Not astrology,’ I say. ‘Astronomy. There’s a difference.’
The moon has risen higher in the sky while we’ve been onthe beach, bathing us in its cool, eerie light. I realise we’ve been gone longer than I’d thought.
‘I should be getting back to the hotel,’ I say. ‘I need to get my daughter to bed.’
‘I won’t be seeing you again, will I?’
‘No,’ I say. It would be an insult to pretend otherwise.
I’ve become expert at compartmentalising my life, separating out the strand that is a parent from the workaholic lawyer. It’s a safety mechanism. I don’t know if it’s healthy, but I don’t know any other way to be.
But Ian’s comment stings a little. I’m not the hardened man-eater he seems to think. I can’t afford to get involved; even if I had the time, there’s Lottie to consider. Any man I date is a potential stepfather. The responsibility of choosing the right man for my child is overwhelming, and one I’m not ready to face.
I show my pink security bracelet to the waiter on attendance at the gate and rejoin the thinning number of wedding guests.
The speeches have finished; I must have been gone longer than I thought. Zealy and Paul are dancing cheek to cheek by the pool with a few other couples, and I scan the courtyard for my daughter.
When I fail to find her, I go and tap Zealy on the shoulder.
‘Hey,’ I say, not yet frightened. ‘Have you seen Lottie?’
