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Aisha sighed and looked towards the river. “The day makes promises, the night leaves empty and cold. The heart swells on the tide of desire and cowers in the shadows of fear. Love, ever-present, and free. Not so for the heart unclean.”
“Unrequited love,” Gabi said.
“I could never have been with her. I think that’s the worst kind of pain,” Aisha said.
Gabi thought about Nana and Juan. “I think you’re right.”
They stared at the river, side by side. Gabi wanted to take Aisha’s hand but stopped herself, because a couple were heading their way and that was the way things would be. She waited until they passed. “Are you still in love with her?” she asked.
The flow of the river and the birds chirping overhead as they returned to their nests in the trees filled the wordless space.
“She will always hold a place in my heart,” Aisha whispered.
“That’s how it should be,” Gabi said.
Aisha looked weary from revisiting the memory. “I’ve never talked about her to anyone,” she said.
Gabi took a step back. She struggled to find the right words, given the enormity of Aisha’s confession. When she’d been dumped by Shay, Issa had been there for her with two bottles of Chardonnay and an extra hot curry. “I promise never to say anything,” she said.
Aisha nodded. “Her name was Esme. We were best friends. I had loved her since we were very young. I never told her how I felt, but she guessed and made it clear she didn’t feel the same way. Being a lesbian is not acceptable in our culture. She married Nicolás and died two years ago. Complications in childbirth.” Aisha’s eyes watered, and her chin trembled. She ran her fingers through her hair and blew out a long breath, and the tears slipped down her cheeks. She wiped them away. “My heart still hurts when I think of her.” She turned to Gabi. “Is that normal?”
Gabi wrapped her arms around Aisha and held her close, because Aisha needed comforting more than she needed anything right now. “Yes, it is,” she whispered and inhaled the spicy notes in Aisha’s perfume and loss squeezed her heart.
Aisha eased away.
“Love fills the heart, and loss rips it to shreds. We can love many times and differently, I think,” Gabi said. God, she’d been reading too much poetry. But she meant the words and hoped Aisha would feel comforted by them.
Aisha shook her head. “I don’t think my heart can love that deeply again,” she said.
Aisha’s admission landed hard in Gabi’s chest. Hopeless and deflated, she looked towards the ground. “It isn’t easy letting go, but if we don’t, then the future is just the past relived again and again.”
Aisha smiled and nodded. “Perhaps.”
Gabi held up the flower. “Let’s make a wish,” she said and tossed it into the river.
Aisha threw her flower in and laughed, and it was as if the last few minutes hadn’t happened. Gabi watched the flowers bob downstream, feeling the pinch of Aisha’s admission that she didn’t think she could love again.
“What did you wish for?” Aisha asked.
Gabi shook her head. “Can’t tell you.” She smiled. “You?”
“What I’ve always wished for,” Aisha said.
She had that expression again. The one that said she knew what she wanted and wanted what she couldn’t have, and the intensity in her gaze caused Gabi to tingle inside. She moved closer until Aisha’s blouse brushed her shirt. The warmth and the scent, and the sense of loss they both shared, were a potent drug that Gabi couldn’t escape the effects of. She didn’t want to run away. She wanted to touch and kiss, and this was the wrong time and place. Aisha was tantalisingly close. She closed her eyes and felt the warmth slip away. She opened them, took a deep breath, and smiled at Aisha’s flushed cheeks.
Aisha dipped her head and fidgeted her hands at her side. “We’d better get back to your nana.”
“Yes, I guess we should,” Gabi said, and they ambled slowly back to the concrete lions in silence.
Nana stroked the tiles on every wall and dipped her hand into every fountain, as they wandered around the palaces, reclaiming what had once been old memories, dreams and wishes. Gabi admired Aisha from every angle with a gentle vibration low in her belly and decided without doubt, that she was more exciting, more interesting, in much better shape, and more formidable than anything the Alhambra could offer.
“I think I’d like to go back to the hotel now,” Nana said.
Gabi would stay all day if it meant she could spend more time with Aisha. The words of the poem had haunted her.A heart unclean. Was that how Aisha thought of herself? Gabi walked to the bus with an ache in her heart and a wish that she had to work out how to fulfil—time alone with Aisha.
“We are having a celebration on the twenty-fifth of July,” Aisha said as they waited at the bus stop.
“The Fiesta de Santiago,” Nana said.
