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Nicolás laughed. “Why would I do that? Our life is here.” He danced a pirouette. “Besides, we have the prettiest girls in our village.”
An attractive woman didn’t escape Aisha’s eyes either. But the women here were looking for a husband. And if they weren’t looking for a man, then they weren’t looking at all, and she didn’t know anyone like that. Women like Aisha had to keep their secrets inside their dreams and deny their desires because the risk of bringing shame to their family and their community was too great. So, it was better not to look, not to see and be tempted, and not to draw attention. “You are free, Nicolás. Maybe it’s different for you.”
“You are free too, Aisha.” He turned and took a pace away from her, lowered his head, and poked the ground with the toe of his shoe. “You can have any man you want.”
He didn’t need to ask her directly to go out with him. His longing was as easy to read as the signposts on the road. He was passionate and showed his heart to her unashamedly in the way he looked at her and spent time with her. She was grateful he hadn’t asked her to marry him. Perhaps he knew deep down she would refuse. “I just wonder what it might be like to travel and see the world.”
He turned swiftly and frowned. “Where would you go that is more beautiful than this?”
“I don’t know. It’s impossible to imagine what’s out there, beyond Granada and Spain. Berlin, Paris, Los Angeles, London. They’re places we’ve heard about, where the tourists come from, places I think might be like ours but different.” She didn’t know what she was trying to say.
His frown deepened. “You think I lack ambition because I am happy here?” he asked.
“No, I don’t. I didn’t mean that.”
He was blinded by his desire and the fire that he wanted to give to her. His want would never be fulfilled. She didn’t share his dream of them making a life together, though her life would be a lot easier if she did.
“If you wanted to go to America or Mexico, you could dance there. But you would leave behind your family and friends to make your way in that world that you don’t know? And what will you do if you find you are still not happy?”
“I don’t know.” Though she might dream of a different life, she couldn’t imagine leaving her family. The longing that drove her insane wasn’t about her working in another part of the world. It was about her being able to love who she wanted to love and to express that love with her family’s blessings. Was she wrong to want that? Husbands and wives had it.
“Can you not see how good life is? We are lucky to have each other, all of us. Ours is a strong and healthy community. Maybe one day you’ll see. I just hope it won’t be too late for you.”
“To find a husband?” She was sick of the prospect of having to be a wife to a man one day and the feeling that that day was going to be forced upon her before she was ready. She would never belong to a man. Never.
“Of course. You are twenty-four already. It’s odd that you’re not married. People say it is because you’re passionate about your work, but with every year that passes, you are giving them cause to ask new questions. I worry for you.”
Aisha worried for herself too. She worried that she would have to settle down with a man and have a family. She worried for her sanity when she would eventually be forced to marry. It wasn’t fair because there were no options. She couldn’t entertain that thought right now. She would rather die than live a lie. But Nicolás was right. She didn’t want to be considered an outcast or a freak. She wasn’t. She was just not like the other women in their village.
She was done with the conversation. It could never go anywhere, and she wouldn’t dance well if she wasn’t feeling passionate. She lifted her skirt at the front and started to stride down the road, feeling her pulse rise with the promise of the music. They had to get to the pick-up point where Julio, Francisco, and Manuel would be waiting for them, and she needed to feel good. “No more talk of dreams. We will make the city dance tonight.”
