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I’m not worried about my safety. I’m worried about my sanity.
The alarm beeps as the front door opens. “Honey, I’m home. Who’s ready for some spice in their life?” I can practically hear Barney wiggle his eyebrows. Ugh.
As soon as Ryker leaves, Hailey grabs my hand and pulls me into her office.
“Slow down. Where’s the fire?”
She points a finger at Barney. “Stay.”
He rolls his eyes but doesn’t move from his spot as sentry in front of the door.
Suzie follows us into Hailey’s office and closes the door behind her. “What are we doing?” she whisper-shouts.
“We’re making sure our girl isn’t freaking out since the man she loves told her he loves her.”
My mouth opens and all my worries pour out. “I’m totally freaking out. It’s Ryker. Have you seen the man? Why would he love a woman like me? I’m such a mess and trouble follows me wherever I go.” I point to the door. “Case in point? There’s a man guarding the door.”
Suzie squeals and jumps up and down. “She didn’t deny she loves him.” She starts dancing around. “Phoebe and Ryker sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.”
I ignore the crazy lady and collapse in a chair. “I can’t love him. I don’t know what love is.”
Hailey snorts. “Of course, you do.” I open my mouth to explain – once again – how my parents never showered me with love like her pops does with her, but she stops me with a raised hand.
“Does he make you want to be a better person? When you thought he was hurt when that car barreled to a stop in front of him were you terrified for him? Does his pain hurt worse than yours? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?”
Her questions hit me like an arrow to the heart. Oh shit. Do I love him?
“And what about the sex?” Suzie asks. “You can’t have bad sex for the rest of your life.”
Hailey rolls her eyes. “Have you seen Ryker? If that man doesn’t give good sex, then I have no faith in the male species.”
I’m too busy freaking out about loving Ryker to explain how he doesn’t give good sex. No, he gives great sex. The best I’ve ever had. Although – honestly – that’s not saying much.
“Earth to Pheebs. Earth to Pheebs.”
“I love him,” I whisper. “When did this happen?”
“I’m guessing when he admitted he kidnapped you to protect you from your ex. Or maybe when he saved you from Theodore. And then there was the time he stood up to the uncles on your behalf.” Suzie shrugs. “Honestly, there’s a lot of good stuff to pick from.”
Oh no. I plant my face in my hands. “He told me he loves me, and I didn’t say it back. I’m a total bitch.”
“No biggie. You can tell him anytime.” Hailey sits in the chair next to me. “In fact, we should plan a romantic evening for you to tell him.”
Suzie is all for it, meaning we get absolutely no work done for the rest of the day as we’re too busy concocting and dismissing ‘romantic’ plans. As the hours slide by, my nerves get worse and worse until I’m practically vibrating with anxiety. I’ve never told a man I love him and meant it. I’m terrified I’m going to mess it all up.
