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Inside of me, the monster grins, and I wonder what the outcome of my plan will be. I have thought of many possibilities and most of them are good, but a few are less than desirable. However, I can’t control it. I won’t, because no matter what, no matter what the demons want or what the monster craves, no matter how much I suffer, no matter how much she does, I will have to accept the outcome. Accept her decision.
I turn and go back inside, locking the door behind me. I walk through the house checking all the doors and windows, making sure it’s all secure and retire into my office. Before I can even think about the outcome and the effects it will have on us, I need to do more research.
But first.
“Is she safe?” Connor answers the phone after the fourth ring, and I don’t give a shit if he helped her leave or she sneaked in. Talking about that is a waste of time.
“She is. I’m sorry man… I...”
“I don’t blame you,” I interrupt him. “I had a feeling this would happen, maybe not with you, but I had a feeling.” Last night she was acting strange, but I chose to ignore it.
“I don’t think this is about you, Nik.” Even he can see the effects of her turmoil, and he’s only known her for a few days.
“Some of it is. I want to make sure she’s safe, because I can’t guarantee that the motherfucker is still on this mountain or not. If something happens to her, Connor...”
“I’m keeping an eye on her until…”
“Until, what?!” I rasp, clutching the phone in my hand too firmly.
He sighs, “I can’t tell you where she is, not yet anyway. She wants a head start.” I hear his words on the other line and my heart fucking breaks. I don’t know how I know this… but I do, I can feel it.
“I need her back, Connor. I have to have her back.”
“I know…” there’s a long pause, a silence that speaks volumes. He knows what I need to do, and unfortunately, I also understand what I have to do. I have to let her go. For now.
“She’ll have her head start and, in the meantime, we have work to do.”
— ‡ —
It fucking hurts. I can’t lie, it hurts. It’s a strange, unfamiliar feeling that I can only identify because it’s the sense of betrayal that clues me in.
I told her I fucking cared… and the next day she ran away from me. Fair enough, her right to reject me, but I can’t let her go until she faces her demons, truly faces them. Only then can she decide if leaving is the best decision for herself. And I can’t wait to see her beautiful soul devour the darkness.
After going through my next steps with Connor, I turn on all the cameras on one of my screens and fill the others with information I am pulling from various sources. I have to assume that the motherfucker will anticipate my next move. I have to assume that he will try to come for me. This is a different situation than all the others I have been in before because my current prey is perfectly aware that he is prey, and he might even become a hunter.
I have to assume that everything that could go wrong, will.
The longer I sit here hacking into servers I have no business being on, looking up satellite images, doing this investigation work, I feel the adrenaline spiking. A strange sense of lustful satisfaction floods my body, shivers run through my veins, and I realize how much I miss this. Not the research work itself, because I've done this with Suki here as well, but the buildup, the anticipation of death.
I miss the kill.
That depraved, exquisite feeling when they realize life is slowly leaving their body. Always slow… That empty look in their eyes when panic hits and at that moment they know they would sacrifice their mother, father, brother, or even their own fucking children in order for their life to be spared.
That fear of death that floods their eyes is addictive, and I will never stop being hungry for it.
I shake away the distracting feelings, keeping to the idea that formed in my head earlier as I start opening satellite images of the cabin where Suki was kept. I go through more and more from the last few days and a pattern emerges. One that I’m not particularly happy with. There's nothing changed in these images, nothing at all. Everything looks the same from one photo to the other, no matter the time of day. The snow is untouched... the area empty. The son of a bitch is gone.
From all the research I have done on him, I know that when he leaves, it means he is hunting. Now the question is… is he hunting for a new victim? Or for Suki?
Suddenly, adrenaline floods me, a sense of dread takes over, and I know I need to find him now or at least make sure he is nowhere near Bear Creek. Nowhere near her.
