Page 112 of My Kind of Monster


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I promised her the day we found out who we were for each other, I promised her that no matter what, I will split the fucking earth open to find her. And I will. I should be a good man, I should let her go, I should give her the freedom she ran towards. However, I’m not a good man, I’m a fucking monster,hermonster. I will hunt her, catch her again, and bring herhome.Yes, I should give her a choice, but now, now is not the fucking time. She ran out of goddamn fear and that fear needs to be abolished. Burnt to the fucking ground.

And there is only one way that can be done.

Her darkness will explode when vengeance clouds her fear.

And her darkness needs to explode. Only then can she decide if she really needs to be away from me.

The phone rings in my pocket and when I see Connor's name on the screen, I know the plan is in motion. I cock an eyebrow and answer with a grin on my lips.

“Is it happening?”

“Good morning to you too, motherfucker,” his deep, lazy voice sounds on the other line, but he takes my exasperated sigh as a sign that I will not bother with pleasantries. “Yes, they're starting today, actually in about half an hour. The gossip is gonna hit the town, so I made up a story about you visiting your family.”

“Fair enough. How long will they take?”

“Two days at most. It hasn't snowed in a while, so hopefully it won't be too hard for them to clear the road. I'll be up as soon as they come back. Do you have eyes on him?”

“I do. He hasn't noticed the trail cameras yet and he's been staying in the cabin since he came back a week ago. I'm not sure if he thinks that I just gave up on him, if he does, this will be so much easier.” I tracked that son of a bitch, found him, his mobile phone, his laptop, everything. That paranoid motherfucker covered his online footprint so well, used cash, and every move he made was off the grid. But I got him a few days after Suki left. Thankfully he was nowhere near her, but in a completely different state, driving back here according to his phone. The road to that cabin passes through another town, on the other side of the mountain and because it's right at the edge of my property, almost at the base of the mountain, he still has road access and to be honest, I was grateful for that. I need him here. Close to me. He's been cooped up in the hunting cabin ever since he came back.

“And Suki?” His voice lacks the confidence he had ten seconds ago.

“Safe. Googling apartments for sale away from there.” I've been tracking her laptop and her phone, keeping tabs on her. I have to, I need to know she is safe and as far as possible from Adrien. I'm bringing her back, and I would feel worse about what I am about to do, but her search history proves she misses me. Quite amusing though that she thinks if she searches for my name or this peak in incognito mode on her internet browser that I won’t be able to see it. And she googled me quite a bit, images mostly. She misses me and I her. When she left, a piece of my fucking soul left as well, and until I hacked into her laptop, I wasn't sure if that piece simply disappeared or she took it with her. Now I know.

“How are you going to bring her back?”

“A part of me foolishly believes I will be able to strap her in the car and she won't put up much of a fight.” At those words, Connor snorts on the other line. “Yet the realistic side of me knows that a sleeping pill will probably be the best solution.”

“I can't fucking believe I'm condoning this.” I can practically hear Connor shaking his head in disappointment.

“You're not. What you are actually condoning is coming here and helping me catch this son of a bitch.”

“Just... take care of her.”

“You know I will.” There's silence. He does, he knew even before me what I felt for her. “And Connor...”

“Yeah...” his tone weary now.

“He's been going in the cellar a lot.”

“Fuck.” A loud thud sounds on the other line, along with more explicit curse words. If he didn't punch a hole through a wall, then he definitely broke some piece of furniture. We both know what it means—we need to hurry.

The conversation ends with newfound motivation instilled in both of us. I have two days to prepare myself, two days to get the room ready, two days in which that motherfucker needs to stay in that hunting cabin. Before the week ends, our lives will be changed. The trees are hit by the crimson hues of the sun rising behind the house, and I can already feel the change in the atmosphere. The world knows it's about to shift.

A new dawn, painted in crimson hues. As if the sun knows what awaits this mountain.

SUKI

Home.

That warm cozy place you crave after a long day of running errands. The place you feel most comfortable in. Safe. Happy.

Home.

This is not it. This small apartment in this sad city, in a shitty part of town, in this god forsaken building. I have been spending almost every waking hour on the internet looking for a new house, a new apartment, a new town... a new home. Yet nothing feels right, not when in the back of my mind I know I already found it. I fucking know, and nothing will ever live up to that. Nothing. Because every single sleepless night, every single goddamn tear I shed, every single bump in the night, every heartbroken wail that leaves my throat, every single one of them is for one reason and one reason only—heis my home. Not the house, not the mountain. Niklas is my home.

Seventeen days have passed. Seventeen sorrowful days, each worse than the one before. Seventeen long days where my demons have thrown in my face one revelation after another. Yes, I wanted and needed the space away from him, away from the mountain. Many nights as I laid in bed, I told myself that I will never go back, yet I knew I was lying to myself. All I wanted was the space to figure out if what I felt for him was real and not a mirage created by the environment, by the proximity, the isolation, and... the lust.

I could have dealt with the lust, I could have fed on the pleasure he gave, on the fulfillment of my fantasies, on how he fed the cravings that took over me since my dreams turned into something else. Yet, when everything shifted, when the monster in his eyes smiled at me, when his hold on me was more protective than possessive and his lips became softer against mine, I could not deal with it anymore. I needed to find out if it was my imagination or my broken mind adjusting to a new imprisonment.

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