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I do not need this. I do not need to see him like this. I do not need to see his humanity. I do not even need to see his monstrous personality. Because they all pull me closer and I need to be anywhere but.
“I had contracts; mainly because everything I needed had to be discussed prior, roughly planned, safe word, limits, scene, comforts, etc.”
Well that sounds nothing like the man I know... safe words? Limits? All he seems to do is chase me into uncomfortable situations, test my limits, and make me feel in danger... nothing safe about it. This is why he left... that was not what he craved. This... me, is what he craves. And he still has not found my limits.
“However, when you have the money I had, there will always be at least one woman trying to sell her story, information about me and my... pleasures, to the press or my customers. I was done fighting with them just so I could have something that just wasn’t fucking worth it, something that barely sated my hunger. And I was tired.” He inhales slowly, and I only see his calm exhale, I do not hear it though. “I needed to find the place where I belonged.”
I nod because I am not sure what to say in this moment. I understand him. More than I want to admit. And I envy him.
“And you moved here two and a half years ago?”
He nods. “Bought it around three years ago, the whole peak... I needed to be alone. Renovated it for the most part of a year, when it wasn’t snowed in and moved in after about six months.”
“What about your parents... how do they feel about you being so far from them?”
He gets up from the sofa and I frown.
“I think it’s time for bed, little siren.”
I start laughing because this is absolutely ridiculous, he cannot tell me when it is time for bed. But my laugh is interrupted by an annoying yawn that just proves his point, and I am even more annoyed now. My body betraying me in front of him, as always. I swear I have no control around him, my body just listens to all his cues.
“Come on, it’s late.” He shows me the clock on the phone he pulled out from his pocket and I believe him now. I did not realize how long we spent in his office or how late we ate.
I get up and look at him in pure disbelief. Why exactly does he care about how late it is? Maybe he is just trying to avoid the questions, but I yawn again and realize that I could quite happily go to bed. I walk up the stairs behind him and before he can say anything I head into the bathroom and lock the door behind me. I am pretty damn sure he is currently in the corridor staring at this beautiful wooden door, wondering what the hell just happened.
I brush my teeth. Wash my face. Take a quick shower. And when I go out of the bathroom, the corridor is empty. I feel a slight disappointment settle within me, but I brush it off as fast as I feel it. I walk quickly towards my bedroom and close the door behind me, leaning against it.
I do not want to want to be in his bedroom. And I cannot have him take me there... because I will not be able to say no.
I finally peel myself off the door, change into one of his t-shirts that smell like him, and crawl into the bed. This whole situation feels unreal... so goddamn unreal, because at this particular moment in time, the craziest thing is going through my mind.
I did not say goodnight to him... and I feel bad.
I lay on my back, staring at the ceiling that looks gray in the moonlight and I cannot help but wonder... what the hell is wrong with me?
NIKLAS
She didn’t even say goodnight to me. I don’t know what I expected though. Half an hour talk and then suddenly she would be all sweet and compliant? I don’t know... she’s holding back on me though... and I need to hear more about her dreams.
I’ve never heard of that before, having the same dream over and over again for years. Is that normal? What do I even know about normal?!
And I want to see what she draws... I need to feed her soul and one way to do it is to feed her passion. A passion she hasn’t been able to fuel since Adrien got her.
After I’m done in the bathroom and back in my bedroom, I pull out the phone and have a brief look over the list she wrote. Nothing crazy: clothes, a couple of toiletries and feminine stuff, and that is pretty much it. I add a few things in there and copy it all in a text for Connor. Hopefully he’ll be able to get everything.
As I lay here, staring at the view outside my window, I can’t help but wonder if she’ll ever realize that this is where she belongs. I see it, why can’t she?
I close my eyes and all I see is the green-eyed banshee that flipped my life over and threw it into fucking oblivion... nothing will ever be the same again.
— ‡ —
Darkness... a change of smell... a shallow movement...
I open my eyes, but it’s too dark, yet in a fraction of a second I have the intruder pinned by the throat under me. I take a deep breath and the scent of jasmine clues me in. Her small, smooth throat pulses under my palm, and her hands are holding onto the arm that’s pinning her down.
“Fuck, Suki!” I get off her and lie back in bed, on my side, trying to look at her. But I’m barely conscious and the room is dark. “Is everything okay?”
“I could not sleep... I... I’m sorry... I... I thought I could be alone.”
