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Perfectly illusory.
— ‡ —
“I'm going to have to fix the front door. I have spare glass panels in the workshop, I just need to take measurements and take the door apart,” he tells me as we finish drinking our coffees on the sofa, watching the flames of the fireplace in the mid-morning light.
“You keep spare glass?”
“Yeah. Always. In these temperatures you never know when a window could crack. Plus you could just have an accident and there's no way of going to town and ordering glass panels.”
Okay, I must admit, that makes sense. Living in the city you do not really think of things like this. You always have access to anything, not matter how much snow has fallen. Here, you have to work hard for your creature comforts. And I cannot help but think how much more satisfying this is. I feel like I should offer my help with this task, but I keep my mouth shut, even if that window was broken by Adrien in order to get to me.
It is not my fault Niklas decided to capture me and bring me here. Or is it called saving?
I catch him watching me, and I wonder if he wants me to offer my help, but I do not have time to dwell on it before he shifts and goes upstairs. I turn to the dancing flames of the fireplace and I wonder... what are the next steps? I know he gathered all the information he needs in order to safely dispose of Adrien, but... is it really going to happen?
I never thought of myself as a coward, as a scared little woman, but Adrien turned me into this pathetic version of myself. A version I do not even recognize and even though Niklas has made my demons sing again, every time I think of Adrien, I feel my skin slowly breaking into cold sweats. That pathetic version of myself has not left my body just yet. It is simply hidden behind a veil... and I cannot seem to break her out and fucking kill her.
I need to kill her. I need to dispose of her. I need to move forward.
How can I though? How can I when he is still out there? Not out in the world... but out on this mountain. He could be behind the line of trees outside this house right now. He could be watching me. How can I stay here when the thought of him makes the marks he left on my skin burn?
My soul is conflicted. I want to run away from and after him all at the same time. I want to break him like he broke me. I want to show him who I really am when my guard is not down. But the wounds are too fresh, my soul barely mended, my heart still frail.
I hear Niklas' confident steps coming down the stairs, but I do not turn to look at him. Sure enough, he ignores me and I hear the same steps moving away before the door that leads to the garage slams closed.
I breathe easier when he leaves the room, and I am still not sure why. He has this talent, this unintended talent to make my breath hitch in my lungs. I feel him when he enters a room even when I am not looking. I feel the air around him touching me before I even feel his body. I hear his heartbeat from across the room, and I am not sure if it is because it's always so quiet here... or maybe his heart beats harder when he is around me.
No.
I must not fall... this is still a dungeon. I am not free. No matter how much I wish I would be.
Still here... but free.
NIKLAS
Most of the day I stayed away from her, keeping busy with various tasks that needed doing around the house, including taking apart that front door and fixing the window. Since I brought her here, I've been ignoring all the shit that needs doing around the house, from maintaining the heating system, making sure the pipes don't freeze, to the outstanding projects that need finishing, like insulating that damn workshop.
I desperately wanted to go for a run, but I couldn't risk leaving her alone again. Not when I know that motherfucker is watching my goddamn house. If I didn't care about this plot of land and had access to some damn land mines, I would have booby trapped this whole fucking place... but then again, getting my hands around his throat is going to be so much more satisfying than watching his guts fly through the air. So instead of running, I resorted to working out in the garage again.
I kept checking on her though, once in a while going inside the house, making sure she’s okay, safe. Yet I didn’t linger. I changed the rules of my game, but she is still playing one of her own making, hiding behind it, pretending she hates everything about her current predicament. We both know that’s bullshit, I just need her to admit it to me… to herself most of all.
I brushed past her a few times, spoke only when it was necessary, and gave her attention without giving her too much.
If she figures out the game or not, I know the outcome will be the same—she will either become increasingly annoyed or she will fall for it. Either way, the prize will be claimed and the winner will not be me.
The day went by faster than I thought it would and by the time we went to bed,my bed, she already looked a bit suspicious, but tried her best to keep a straight face. I had a lifetime of observing people and reading facial cues, there was no way I wouldn’t notice that.
“Goodnight, Suki.” I keep my tone soft as I watch her turn around to face me. We’re both on our sides and the moon bathes her in a soft blue light that makes her look like a surreal scene from a cyberpunk photo.
“Goodnight, Niklas.”
It dawns on me that she’s the only person in my life that calls me by my full first name. The way her sweet voice hits every vowel and consonant makes me feel like she should remain the only person to ever speak it.
I hold her gaze for a few more moments and roll away. The last thing I heard before falling asleep was a soft sigh.
— ‡ —
“Niklas?” I hear her soft knock on the workshop door as she slowly pushes it open. “Can I come in?” It’s already been a few days of me politely ignoring her and slowly I see her pulling herself closer.
