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“He might not even attack me, he might just... go back from where he came from.” He knows I mean it in the fucking biblical sense. Ashes to ashes, dust to motherfucking dust.
Connor drops his gaze and shakes his head.
“She's not the first, Con... she's just one that survived.” His head shoots up, gaze straight into mine and sometimes I swear he mirrors me. “He made her dig up one of the two buried outside the cabin... made Suki look at her, at what she could become, before he forced her to throw the dirt right back on top of the body.”
“Jesus fucking Christ.” That's all he can say... I can tell the wheels are spinning, coming to terms with what needs to happen. Con knows my extracurricular activities, at least one of them, and although he does not agree, he’s turned a blind eye and even dropped some information in my lap once. He knows some of these people deserve to die, and he knows I will stop at nothing to get my fix of blood and violence. It's a dangerous combination, yet it is one that sometimes benefits us both.
“I'm not going to tell her story, not unless she wants me to,” I try to keep my tone down so Suki doesn't hear me. “Or if she tells you herself… but the shit she told me, Con, I can guarantee you that whatever will come his way is fully deserved.”
He looks at her, peacefully drawing in the light of the fire, then turns to me. “You did your homework, I presume?”
I nod and tell him everything I found out about the guy as we finish making dinner.
“I want in on this.” And with those words, Connor manages to shock me, probably for the third time since we've known each other. “Damn the fucking consequences, Nik! I want in! You can make the fucking plan, I don't give a shit, but I'm in.”
“You're in what?” Suki startles us both, standing on the other side of the kitchen island, watching us with innocent eyes that we both know are just a little game.
“Nothing.” I shoot Connor a warning look. “He's not in on anything.”
He shakes his head and grabs two plates of food, walking away from us to the dining table that I never use on the other side of the room. I turn to Suki, and the innocent look in her eyes is gone, demons staring back at me.
“Come on, let’s eat.” I push the cutlery her way before grabbing the salad bowl and the pasta, walking away.
For the next hour, we sit at the table talking about nothing. All of us aware that we can't quite share everything with the other person around. It's like fucking high school all over again.
“So how long are you staying here?” Suki asks Connor and suddenly my body tenses.
He chews his food, looking at me intensely before turning to her. “A couple of days. I'm giving Nik a hand with the snowmobile, see if we can get it fixed tomorrow and probably leave the day after or the morning after that. It all depends on this snowstorm that was announced.”
“Oh, okay.” She subtly avoids eye contact with me. I can practically see the wheels spinning in that pretty little head of hers. “So, how did you two meet?”
Connor chokes on his food as his eyes shoot up to me.Subtle man, real fucking subtle.
“I used to be a detective in San Francisco.” He finally swallows and turns to Suki. It's amusing, watching this situation unfold. “We met when I was working a case, he was a... witness.”
Nice save.
“Oh, interesting!” Suki turns to me, head cocked and a fake- surprised smile painted all over her devious face. “So, what was the case about, what did Niklas witness?” She turns back to Connor, and I notice immediately the slight shift in his stance. This has nothing to do with the question, but with the look in her eyes—her demons are demanding a touch of chaos and her light green eyes look unnaturally bright.
“Someone in his company got murdered, we were looking for information from everyone,” he speaks slowly, nodding his head before filling his mouth with more food.
“Oh, wow, Niklas, I am sorry. Who was it? You must have been close if, from all those employees you actually knew them.” Her attention turns to me, and the amusement in her eyes is endearing.
“No, no, I was not close at all. However, since I was the CEO, it was standard practice for the police to ask me, since I'm technically supposed to know everyone.”
“Such a shame. So how did the person die?” She doesn't ask anyone in particular as her gaze switches between the two of us a few times.
“Shot,” Connor speaks.
“Stabbed,” I say right at the same time and the little siren grins under her nose, her eyes gleaming with victory.
Connor turns to me, eyebrows raised in an expression that screams“Really?!”and I hide my smile by shoving some food in my mouth. “Oh yes, that's it. Shot.” I say, finally.
Suki rolls her eyes, and I can't help but be strangely proud of her. Not long ago, she was curled up in the corner of this very room—dirty, bloody and bruised, clutching a blanket to her body like it was her lifeline, shaking like a leaf, afraid to look into my eyes and now... now she challenges a killer with her daring sarcasm. Unbeknownst to her, she's challenging two.
Connor changes the subject, and the two of them begin talking about nothing, but either way I'm not really listening. I'm trapped in this train of thought, trapped by her, her beauty, her talented mind, her vulnerability, the strength that keeps developing within her day by day. And as she grows stronger, her demons are closer to the surface, yet I don't think she realizes this. I don't think she knows that sometimes she sits there, lost in thought, daydreaming about something and her demons rage, her eyes gleam with chaos and darkness. I always want to ask her what she's conjuring in her mind, but I never do because I know she would lie.
Her demons are so close to the surface now, yet she's still fighting them, maybe harder than ever. All her life, since her parents were killed, she's been pretty much on her own in a world she doesn't belong in and I wonder if it was easier for her then to hide her chaos, push her cravings away. I wonder if it's harder now, around me... I have no shame in what I do, on the contrary, I fucking revel in it, my soul feeds on the blood and pain I pull from others and I didn't hide this from her. Is it harder for her to push back her demons when mine are making hers so comfortable?
