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“You’re screwing all three of your employers!” my friend said in exasperation.
“Screwed,” I corrected her.
“What?” she laughed. “You don’t think it’ll happen again?”
“Well…”
‘What’d you do today? With them, I mean.”
“Today?” I stalled, buying time. “We uh.. took a nap.”
“You took a nap,” she repeated. “Together?”
“Yeah.” Before she could say another word, I jumped in again. “Listen, you haven’t lived until you’ve taken a nap between two guys,” I said defensively. “Much less a pair of perfectly-sculpted Army Rangers.”
“Who you’ve had sex with,” she pointed out.
“Yes.”
“At the same time.”
I sighed, and my friend went silent for a while. I was hoping she was thinking of a solution. A way out of the jam I’d gotten myself into.
“Do you think Kirk would do it?” Corrine asked off-handedly.
“Kirk?” I repeated, confused. “Yourex?”
“Yeah,” she confirmed. “I mean, we left off on good terms. Plus I have a coupon still left unredeemed with him. It’s good for one Bonus Night.”
“Bonus Night?” I swore incredulously. “Oh Igottahear this!”
“It’s a pretty simple concept,” Corrine said. “You present the coupon to your partner for one extra night of no-strings attached sex to be used at a later date, usually after you’ve broken up. But that’s all it is: a one night stand. And as long as your ex isn’t involved with someone else at the time, they can’t refuse it.”
“Have you given out any Bonus Night coupons yourself?” I had to ask. “To any of your—”
“Only the ones who werereallygood in the sack,” Corrine said proudly. “But yeah, I could cash in my coupon with Kirk and tell him the Bonus Night’s gotta include Jay. Or Rich. Or whoever else I can dig up from—”
“Corrine?” I asked firmly.
“Yes?”
“Myproblem please?”
My friend paused, then chuckled again. “Sorry. Sometimes I get sidetracked.”
“We all get sidetracked,” I told her. “But you’re the Royal Queen of sidetracked.”
“Yeah yeah,” she said dismissively. “Anyway, like I said I’m afraid you’re fucked. Six ways to Sunday.”
“Why?”
“Because if one of these guys happens to fall in love with you,” Corrine explained, “he’s going to resent the hell out of the other two. Probably for the rest of his life.”
Crap.
“And what if two of them fall in love with me?”
“Two?” she asked incredulously. “You got something magic down there between your legs, or—”
“Just answer the question.”
Corrine thought for a moment before giving me the rest of the bad news. “Iftwoof them fall in love with you, the third guy is going to be so bitter about being assed-out he’ll make your life a living hell the whole time you’re there.”
Shit,I thought to myself.She’s absolutely right.
“So what if I get all three of them to fall in love with me?” I asked for the sake of covering all the bases.
Somewhere at the other end of Long Island, my best friend laughed long and loud.
“You accomplishthatlittle trick,” she said with reverence in her voice, “and you can teach classes on this stuff for the rest of your life.”
