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“Not for a few years baby, no,” Delilah told her. “I’m sorry.”
“Dis?”
I smiled as our daughter pointed to practically everything at eye level, one by one. With the patience of a saint, Delilah answered her every time. She was always so gentle with the kids. So totally incredible as a nanny, in every motherly way. It felt a little strange to think of her as an employee anymore, when she was actually our girlfriend. But she took on every responsibility she always had as our nanny, and even more. She took on roles that… well…
That Kara would’ve — no,should’ve —taken.
That part made me sad. It had nothing to do with Delilah of course, but it brought me down nonetheless.
We paid for our stuff and I packed the car, while Delilah strapped the children in. A few minutes later we were on the road, jacking up the heat against the cool autumn air as we decided whether or not to pick up afternoon coffee.
“You okay?”
It must’ve been something she sensed, because I’d suddenly gotten a little quiet.
“Fine, why?”
“You have that look again. Like you’re thinking.”
I tried to let out a casual laugh, but it didn’t come out right. “Thinking’s good, no?”
“Yes,” she allowed, drawing her feet up on the seat. “But there’s a difference between thinking and dwelling.”
“What’s the difference?”
“Thinking is constructive,” she said, “or contemplative. But dwelling is always looking backward, on things in the past. Things you can’t change.
I stayed silent. According to the rear-view mirror, Courtney was now asleep too.
“You’re thinking about Roman, aren’t you?”
Shit. She wasn’t far off.
“Kara too,” I admitted. “But yes.”
“Tell me.”
Her hand fell to my leg, her soft fingers massaging me in a comforting way. Normally I would’ve protected my thoughts. I would’ve made something up, or kept driving without saying anything.
But with Delilah things were different.
“This Halloween the twins are old enough to trick-or-treat,” I said solemnly. “And… their parents aren’t here to see it.”
“But they are,” Delilah said gently.
She was right, but she wasn’t right. Slowly I shook my head.
“Technically I guess so,” I said. “But…”
Her hand found mine. Her fingers interlaced with my own, folding over them reassuringly. “But what?”
“We used to be uncle Liam, uncle Duncan, uncle Julius,” I said. “But now we’re fathers. We got promoted up the scale.”
“Being in the military you should be used to that, no?”
“Yes. But it’s been over a year. We feel closer to the children than ever before.”
“Wonderful!” Delilah exclaimed. “That should make you feel good, right?”
