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“T—The two of you planned this?” Brian finally spoke. “You set me up?”
“I know, pretty crazy right?”
“Like something out of a movie, really,” Naomi agreed.
“It wasn’t hard though,” I added, “finally figuring it out. All those times you abruptly canceled plans, then turned off your phone. All the holidays you couldn’t be with me, because you were spending them with her.”
“Ditto,” my accomplice nodded. “Dakota and I went over our dates together, and in retrospect it seems so obvious now. Still, it must’ve been logistically hard, seeing us both.” She eyed him skeptically. “Or you know what? Scratch that. For someone like you, it was probably all too easy.”
Brian sat there silently, taking it all in. He looked half dejected, half pissed off at all the laughing we were doing. I realized his anger was probably my favorite part.
“So yeah, we’re both obviously through with you,” I told him, matter-of-factly. “We’re done with the lying, the sneaking around, and the super lame sex.”
“Especiallythe super lame sex,” Naomi groaned, tipping her glass back again. With her free hand, she made an obscene jerk-off motion. “Wasn’t even that good in the beginning, to be honest.”
I shrugged, trying to remember. “Maybe passable.”
“Maybe,” she squinted.
“Except for that one thing he does where he—”
“ALRIGHT, enough!” Brian cried suddenly. “I get it already, okay? I’m the asshole.”
“Oh I don’t know if you’retheasshole,” Naomi purred. “But you’re definitelyanasshole. Just one of many.”
She was certainly cute, I’d give Brian that. Dark hair, mocha brown eyes. The physical opposite of me, right down to being short where I was tall. As far as two-timing assholes went, my ex had good taste at least.
Naomi caught me looking her over and shrugged. “So what do we do now?”
“I dunno. Throw our drinks in his face?”
My raven-haired accomplice considered it for a moment, then shook her head. “Nah. We’re classier than that.” She giggled. “Besides, this wine is too damned good.”
“It better be,” I smirked. “It was at the very bottom of the menu.”
We toasted — the two of us — and drained our glasses together. By the time we set them down on the table, Brian’s face had regained all of its color and then some.
“Word of advice,” I said, looking into my ex-boyfriend’s eyes for what I knew would be the last time. A tiny pang of sadness threatened to rise up, but I shoved it down. “Youmightwant to think about other people before you do this next time. And not just yourself.”
We rose together, gathering our things. At the other end of the table, Brian looked very small and very defeated.
“Hey look, it’s notallbad,” Naomi said in consolation. “You’ve still got some delicious meals coming — all to yourself.”
This seemed to snap our cheating boyfriend out of his trance. “I—I do?”
“Sure,” I answered, delivering my brightest, million-watt smile. “We ordered tomahawk steaks before you got here. Three of em, in fact.”
We waved back at him in tandem on the way out.
“Hope you’re hungry.”
