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“You know, I didn’t think you’d come.” Hayden bumps my shoulder and I roll my eyes at him. “You and Conner Jagger were looking pretty together at Homecoming.”
“He’s a friend.” I shrug, curling my hands around the edge of the pier and staring down into the dark blue abyss.
“Like I’m just a friend?”
“Don’t do that, Hayden. Don’t overcomplicate this. We’re friends. We have a good thing going.”
He’s one of the few friends I have at Sterling Prep, but I see the way he looks at me, with lust and longing in his eyes. He wants me. Wants things I can’t ever give to him.
I don’t want to cross a line we can’t come back from, not when I genuinely enjoy his company. Like tonight, for example. We hung out at Surf's before heading down to the pier to play arcade games. Then Hayden managed to score us some beers and now we’re sitting on the edge of the pier with the sea beneath us and the moonlit sky above us, and I feel free.
Well, I did until he brought up Conner.
Now, I don’t know what to feel. I like Conner. He makes me smile and doesn’t take himself too seriously, but there’s nothing there. Not really. Conner makes me feel good about myself, and in return, he doesn’t ask for anything. It’s just easy. Fun.
It’s uncomplicated.
Besides, there’s another Jagger brother that makes my pulse race and my body stir to life.
Not that I’d ever admit it out loud.
“It’s late,” I say, knowing that it’s at least a twenty-five-minute walk back to campus.
“I’ll walk you.” Hayden jumps up, offering me his hand. His baby blues sparkle but are dimmed by the bruising around his eyes. We haven’t talked about what happened between him and Cole, and I’m more than happy to keep it that way.
“You don’t need to walk me home, Hayden. I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.”
“I’m walking you,” he says with a little puff of his chest. Whatever. If it makes him feel better about himself, who am I to stop him?
We walk along the beach past Surf’s before taking the coastal path. The cool sea breeze makes my skin prickle and I zip up my baby pink hoodie, shoving my hands in the pockets.
“Cold?” Hayden moves closer to me, and for a second I think he might wrap his arm around my shoulder.
I’m relieved when he doesn’t.
“It’s a beautiful night,” he says. “A beautiful clear sky, beautiful view, beautiful company.” His eyes flick to mine and I explode with laughter.
“Seriously? That’s your line? Because I hate to break it to you, but you really need to work on your skills.”
“Jesus, Hads, kick a guy when he’s down.” He suddenly grabs my hand and tugs me around so that I’m standing in front of him. “I like you. You know I do. And I know you keep feeding me the ‘we’re just friends’ line, but I don’t want to be just friends, I want... more.” His fingers brush my jaw, his eyes searching mine for things I know he won’t find.
Because what Hayden doesn’t realize is that I’m broken.
Tainted.
I’m so fucking lost that sometimes I don’t know which way is up.
Every day, I paint on a happy smile and play my part, but inside there’s nothing but pain and anguish.
And a guy like Hayden, a guy who’s got a huge, bright future ahead of him, deserves someone who can give him everything he needs.
“Hayden.” I curl my fingers around his, halting his touch. “I already told you, it isn’t like that for me.”
“Bullshit, Hads. I feel it. It’s there... you just need to give it a chance.” He closes the distance between us and leans down. I should stop him. Everything inside me screams at me to stop him, but I don’t.
Because maybe he’s right.
Maybe I just need to give it a chance.
