God, a name shouldn’t hurt so much, but it does. Because I don’t need Cole to say the words to know that he’s pulling away. There’s already a sheet of ice between us, and I hate it.
I hate that we’re over before we ever really got started.
Tears run freely down my cheeks, because I can’t hold in the pain any longer.
I almost died tonight.
I almost never got to say the words.
And now Cole is taking away that choice again.
And yet, I can’t let him go. Even though I know he’s about to break my heart, I still can’t set him free.
“Please, Cole. I need this.” My voice cracks.
His eyes shutter, his Adam’s apple pressing against his throat.
“Just hold me, please.” He winces at the desperation in my voice, but I don’t care. I’ll beg until he can’t refuse me because I can’t accept that this is it.
Letting out a small groan, Cole yanks off his hoodie and t-shirt, a cloud of dust and soot rising from the fabric as he does so, then unbuttons his pants, letting them slide to the floor. Without a word, he climbs into bed beside me and hits the lamp switch, plunging the room into darkness.
We lie there, silent and still, until I can’t take it anymore.
“Thank you.” I sniffle as the tears begin to subside. His body vibrates with anger, but I don’t let it deter me as I reach for him. “You saved me, Cole.”
“No, I didn’t,” he grits out. “If it wasn’t for me, you would never have been on Donny’s radar. This is… All. My. Fault.”
“No,” I argue, but his expression is unmoving as I peek over at him.
“Go to sleep, Hadley.”
&nb
sp; “But—“
“Sleep,” he orders, “or I’ll leave.”
Pain coils around my heart. Cole has already pulled away. He might be here physically, but emotionally he’s gone.
I know I shouldn’t say the next words, but if I don’t, I might never get to. And he should know.
Cole should know that he’s worthy of something good.
“I love you, Cole Jagger. I don’t know how or when it happened, but I do.” I peek over at him again, but he isn’t looking at me, and it hurts. It hurts so much that I feel my chest crack wide open.
“Don’t do this, Cole, please. It’s over, you said it yourself. Donny isn’t a threat anymore.” I lean my head as close as I can to him, but the IV makes it difficult to move. “I love you, Cole. Are you listening to me? It’s you. I love you.”
Finally, Cole turns to meet my pleading gaze. Hope blossoms in my chest as his lip curves slightly. “I don’t love you, Hadley, I can’t.”
“W-what?” My lip quivers as my brain tries to process what he just said.
I knew he would do this.
I’d known it the second he’d stepped into the room, yet I can’t stop the feeling of complete despair that rips through me.
Cole doesn’t love me back.
Even though he knows I might be growing his child... he doesn’t want me.