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The only things that are familiar are the voices and the warm hand in mine. She’s here, wherever here is. My little dove. My saving grace. The only little bit of light in all my darkness.
Hearing her tell me that I’m in the hospital and that I’m going to be okay is the strangest thing.
I have no memory of… anything, actually. Everything is hazy. It’s like it’s right there, almost within grasp but just out of touch.
Why am I here? Why wouldn’t I have been okay?
Confusion swirls around my fuzzy brain, and I fight to try to reclaim some memories. Needing more than the darkness surrounding me, I put every bit of energy I can find into opening my eyes.
The second I find her concerned green eyes staring back at me, everything I’ve been trying to remember slams into me like a truck.
Colton.
Tim.
My knife.
The blood.
More blood.
The hospital.
Our baby.
A whimper rips from my throat as I remember the doctor telling us that he was sorry but our baby was gone.
I killed it.
Just like I kill everything good in my life.
Then I remember the bottles. The pills. The need for the darkness.
Fuck. I did this.
I put myself here.
Ripping my hand from Hadley’s, I go to lift it to my face, but something stops me. Looking down, I find an IV disappearing into my skin.
My fingers twitch to pull it out, to rip it from my body and to sto
rm out of this place, but then Hadley places her hand on my shoulder, and I make the mistake of looking into her exhausted and haunted eyes. All my fight leaves me.
My lips part to say something, but what the hell do I say after everything I’ve put her through?
I walked away from her because it was the best thing I could do for her, yet here she is by my side, insisting on supporting me.
“Ah, look at you,” a strange voice says, dragging my eyes from Hadley. I find a plump nurse walking toward me with the biggest smile on her face. If It’s meant to be contagious then it doesn't work on me, because smiling is the last thing I want to do right now. “I just knew you’d have gorgeous eyes when you finally opened them.” She hesitates as if she’s waiting for a reaction, but when she doesn’t get it, she reaches down for a clipboard and starts reading.
“When can I leave?” I bark.
The nurse startles at my cold voice but schools her features by the time she turns to look at me. “The doctor will do his rounds in a few hours, sweetie. He’ll be able to give you a better idea.”
“I want to leave now.”
“N-now?” she asks, like it’s the most absurd thing she’s ever heard.
“Yes. Now.”
