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“First aid kit?” I ask, and he motions to the cabinet beneath the sink.
I locate it and fill a bowl with some warm water. “This might sting.” Gently, I clean the dried blood off his face, ignoring the wild flutter of my heart.
Conner sinks into my touch, the tension melting away as I work in silence to tend to each cut and graze.
I don’t need to ask him why he did it. The answer swirls around us like a storm on the horizon. He’s like this... because of me.
Because he needed to do something, anything, to feel better.
The shame I feel is almost suffocating.
When I’m done, I wash my hands and clean up the supplies. I’m about to take the first aid kit back when his hand snags my wrist. “Wait,” he breathes, the air crackling between us. “Just tell me the truth, Kenny. Tell me what happened, please.”
The pain in his voice coils around my heart, sucking the air from my lungs.
He knows.
Conner knows what happened, but he needs to hear me say it. He needs me to trust him with my truths.
But I can’t do it.
I can’t admit it out loud.
Because admitting it means it happened.
Admitting it makes me a victim, and I refuse to be that girl.
We stare at one another, and I swear I can feel his warmth wrapping around me like a blanket.
Growing up, Conner was always my protector, my knight-in-shining-armor. There wasn’t anything his touch or smile or reassuring words couldn’t heal. But we’re not those people to each other anymore.
I’m not his.
And he’s not mine.
“Conner, I—“
“Shh, Kenny.” His hand curves around the back of my neck, pulling me down until our heads are touching and our breaths mingle.
“Con...” My voice wavers, and I’m not sure what I’m asking him.
“The thought of anyone hurting you... it fucking kills me, babe. But knowing he hurt you, knowing that I trusted him with you, and he—“
I slide a finger to his lips, forcing the words back in.
Because I can’t do this.
Not now.
Not ever.
“I’ll survive,” I whisper. “I’ll be okay.”
A shudder rolls through him as he inhales a ragged breath, screwing his eyes shut. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
The words reverberate inside me.
Words can’t fix this.
