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He was intense.
Then we’d fallen asleep without talking. I knew Conner wanted to say things, things I wasn’t ready to hear. But he’d respected my wish to not talk.
And now I was here, wrapped in his arms as if everything was okay.
Gingerly, I lift his arm off me and slide out of the bed. My body aches but in the best kind of way. Sometimes, with Warren, I wouldn’t be able to move the next day. But it never felt good.
Conner stirs behind me and I freeze, holding my breath, waiting for him to settle back down. He does, so I tiptoe around his room, pulling on one of his t-shirts. It’s early, a little after seven, but I need to get out of here.
It burns through me like acid. If I’m here when Conner wakes, he’ll want to talk. He’ll want to make this a big deal, and it can’t be. Because although I don’t regret what happened between us last night, I know he’ll want more than I can give him.
I gather up what’s left of my clothes and pull on what I can. It’s early, hopefully no one will be up because I’m not sure I can handle all the questions.
Glancing back at Conner one last time, I imprint the image of him sleeping. He looks so peaceful it cracks something inside me. This is what my life could have been. Waking up loved and cherished, safe and protected. Conner always made me feel so special. It was him and me against the world.
Until everything changed.
We’d had this stupid pact. I’d made him promise that if I hadn’t lost my virginity by the time I turned seventeen, he would be the one to take it. It had been the best night of my life. He’d been so gentle with me, treating me like fragile glass... until my body stretched and got used to him. Conner had spent one whole night loving me, tracing every inch of my skin with his fingers and tongue. At one point, I was sure I’d died and gone to heaven because nothing could feel that good.
Yet, with Conner, it did.
But it had freaked us both out a little. Being with him was so easy, as easy as breathing. Sex changed our friendship. It wasn’t supposed to, but it did. Conner grew awkward around me and I didn’t know how to tell him that I wanted more.
I hadn’t expected Warren to announce he was into me. He and Conner were good friends, and it was weird. I thought if I just got a little closer to him, Conner would get jealous and claim me as his own.
He didn’t.
He stepped aside and let Warren pursue me. I was devastated. I thought we’d shared something special, and Conner just handed me over to Warren like it meant nothing.
Tears prick my eyes as I stand there, watching the boy I’ve loved since I was a child, sleep. Things could have been so much different after that night. Our friendship could have grown and flourished into so much more.
But Conner didn’t want me. He didn’t fight for me or claim me. He simply stood by and let Warren take me as his own.
He condemned me to months of hell.
I can’t just forget that.
I won’t.
Slipping into the hall, I duck into the bathroom and try to clean myself up. My skin is flushed and my hair is a mess. There are bite marks and hickeys dotted over my neck, and when I lift Conner’s t-shirt and inspect my body, I wince at the bruise marks all over my hips and thighs.
Conner didn’t do anything I didn’t ask for. I wanted this. I needed it. His touch, no matter how rough, will always be twenty times softer than Warren’s.
Splashing some water on my face, I clean off the make-up and finger brush my teeth with some toothpaste. When I pee it stings a little, but it’s nothing compared to what I’m used to.
The house is still quiet when I slip back into the hall. The prospect of the twenty-five minute walk back to campus doesn’t fill me with excitement, but it’s better than staying here and doing the awkward morning after thing.
I reach the stairs just as a door creaks open. Fear trickles down my spine as I try to press myself into the wall.
“Sneaking out?” Cole’s voice is cool.
“I...” Words fail me.
“Sounded like you and my brother made your peace last night.” His brow arches.
My body heats at his words, and I smother the whimper in my throat.
Cole heard us.
