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“You know how I get—ooh!” She shrieked as a loud squealing sound erupted.
“Mother?” Archer felt himself break out in a cold sweat. He’d just lost track of time, he’d just taken a short moment to feel pity for himself, and his mistakes had put her in danger. “Mother!”
“I’m okay. I’m fine.” A pounding sound, like she was hitting the steering wheel over and over in frustration—something he’d seen her do more than once or twice. “I just started going before the light turned and—” A loud horn blasted.
“Mother!”
“Oh, fuck you, jackass! You never had a bad day?”
Archer raised his eyebrow despite the fact that he had no audience. He couldn’t help it when it came to her. She was normally so uptight and proper. Not that he’d never heard her speak like that, but only the very worst of occasions usually called for it in her eyes. “Mother, can you pull over, please?”
“I am. I am. I’m right by the Starbucks by your condo. I’ll pull in there.”
Shit. She’s less than a ten-minute drive away. She’ll never be turned away now.Archer cleared his throat. “Okay. Okay, pull in—” He winced as he heard another loud horn blast. She didn’t swear this time. She just laughed like she’d become unhinged. “Mother?”
“Just a moment, dear,” she cooed. Her voice had a singsong quality that was quite disturbing between the cackling laughter. The clutch gear shifted and she likely pounded the steering wheel again. “I’m in the parking lot, all safe and sound.”
Archer let out a breath. “Okay.”
“Okay.”
“Maybe go inside—take a break before you go back home—”
“No, I’m coming over. I’ll grab you a coffee. Caramel macchiato?”
“You don’t need to come over.”
“Nonsense.” An unbuckling of a seatbelt and the door opening. An incessant dinging.
“Mother, you forgot your keys,” said Archer, knowing exactly what that ding meant. “Or you forgot to turn off the headlights, but more likely you forgot—” A door slam. “Mother?”
“Yes?”
“You left your keys in the ignition, didn’t you?”
“Oh.” She must have been peering through the window. “I guess I did.”
Archer pounded his palm against his head. “And you locked the door by hand on the way out, didn’t you?”
“You know I don’t like the honking it makes when I lock it with the remote! Everyonelooks at me.”
“I told you you could get that disabled—”
“I don’t have time to take it to a mechanic or whatever I’m supposed to do.”
You have no job, woman. You are obsessed with checking in with me. You have plenty of time.“Okay,” said Archer, exhaling loudly. “Did you put a spare pair in your purse like I asked you to?”
“Of course I did, I…. Oh.”
“Oh?”
“My purse is still on the passenger’s seat.”
“Why did you get out of the car and lock it without even grabbing your purse?”
“I wastalking to you! I had the phone in my hand and I just… I forgot, okay? I wasscared to deathbecause of you!”
“All right.” Archer massaged his temples. “All right.”
