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The past weekand a half were a blur in Nolan’s mind. There was the work—that stayed consistent, and even if he was frowning and sweating inside Silly’s head, he knew that Silly’s grin and Nolan’s own hand flourishes made it seem like he was Mr. Cheerful personified—but everything else was like ripping his foundations away. He could barely focus during class. He fell behind with a couple of projects, and though he got an extension, he hadn’t been making the most of the extra time allowedhim.
He was just amess.
“How’s the little bean doing?” asked DeShawn as they entered the break room and Nolan was finally able to take off Silly’shead.
DeShawn called most kids “little beans.” Not that he expected his shift manager to remember the names of hissiblings.
“She’s all right,” said Nolan, aware that his coworkers knew all about Willow’s broken wrist and leg. Nolan had felt his world narrow to a frightening tunnel he’d experienced before—that time when he’d gotten the message that his mom was in the ER—but before he’d taken off like a shot, he’d listened to the rest of the messages. They’d gotten progressively angrier until they’d turned resigned. Willow had fallen off a park jungle gym while trying to smack another kid and she’d broken some bones. But she had had them set and she was home the nextmorning.
His dad had seemed to want to explode at Nolan the moment he’d walked through the door, but both kids were napping after the late night they’d had and he’d settled for grabbing him by the arm and pulling himoutside.
“Where were you?” he asked. As if they were the co-parents of these kids, as if his dad was looking at his partner in this journey instead ofanother one of hiskids.
“At the beach,” said Nolan, digging his hands into his swim trunk pockets. There was no hidingthat.
“I thought you had class, but then—thebeach?”
“Class let out early.” Nolan shrugged. “I didn’t know there’d be a crisis. Cut me some slack.” He felt like a sullen teenager all overagain.
His dad ran a hand over his face. “If you wanted to go to the beach, you could have come home and taken the kids withyou.”
Nolan snorted. “On a Friday night? Landon would fall asleep before we even got halfwaythere.”
“You could have waited until the weekend, then!” His dad paced the porch stoop now, his hands flailing. “Maybe then I’d have had them in bed earlier and I wouldn’t have brought them to the park and Willow wouldn’t have…” His voice caught in histhroat.
Drawing his hand out of his pocket, Nolan placed it on his dad’s shoulder, as much to stop the man’s pacing as anything. “She’s okay, right? You can’t blameyourself.”
“I can,” said his dad. “I—I was focused on an email from work and I wasn’t paying attention. You would have… You know how to handle thembetter.”
Sighing, Nolan sat down on the porch step at his dad’s feet. “Keep talking like that and you’ll never fully step up,” he said, knowing those words were going to startsomething.
But his dad was quiet as he sat beside him. “I know it’s been hard for you, too, son, since yourmom—”
“There,” said Nolan. “See? I’m yourson. I’m not supposed to be in charge of these kids around the clock. It’s not supposed to be a big deal that I head out to the beach for a night. I’m old enough to legally drink and gamble, Dad. Half the guys I knew my age are getting ready to start their own families and the other half are at least far away from home.” Leaning forward, he rested his chin atop his knees. “I was the only one leftbehind.”
His dad rested a hand on Nolan’s back. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I really wouldn’t have minded except that this happened and—I panicked.” Nolan could hear him choking on his words, fighting back his tears. “I… I was going to tell you. I quit my secondjob.”
“What?” said Nolan, snapping upright. His dad’s hand fell limply from Nolan’s back. “But, Dad, things are tightenough—”
Waving a hand, his dad cut him off. “No. It’s a good thing. The reason I’ve been so caught up in work—my first job, at the office—is because I’ve been competing with a few others to pull off a good second quarter of sales. The quarter isn’t even over yet, but the boss has already been impressed with what I can do and—well, he already offered me the promotion.” His smile faltered. “More pay and, since I can quit my store shifts, more time to be at home.” He nudged him. “Which means more time you don’t have to worry about being athome.”
“That’s… That’s great.” It really was, but Nolan was still more in shock than anything.That’swhy his dad had been harried and distracted? Not because he’d been in over his head—although that was probably true, too—but because he’d had a goal in mind, a goal that would make things easier for themall?
But that still didn’t solve the problem of daycare for Landon. Dad’s office didn’t offer any like Tildy Worlddid.
“Landon’s going to be in kindergarten in the fall,” said his dad then, as if he knew the trajectory of Nolan’s thoughts. “I enrolled him in the full-day program—half is just the school’s version of daycare, I suppose, but whatever will keep him around his peers and learning.” His lips curled up into a faltering smile. “And I can afford to add more babysitter hours for the rest of the times we need one. I guess, what I’m saying is… If you want to go to college this fall… Proper college… I can’t offer much by way of tuition, but maybe you and I can co-sign aloan.”
“No,” said Nolan without thinking. “Loans are a bad idea.” They already owed on one of the cars and the house, and he was sure his dad had maxed their creditcards.
“Son, most kids take out some loans forcollege.”
“Well, not this one.” Nolan reached beside him to grab hold of an overgrown weed that had snaked its way up through a crack in the pavement. The yard really needed a mow. “The thing is, I… Since Mom died, I’ve barely had time to stop. I’ve barely had time to think. But I know now how it feels to live paycheck to paycheck, for that to not even be enough. I never realized how hard you and Mom worked forme—”
“We didn’t want you to worry about such things growing up,” his dad said. “I wouldn’t want you to worry about it now. Oh, lord, if Lorna knew I had resorted to saddling you with all thisresponsibility…”
Nolan let go of the weed and patted his dad on the back. “I was an adult by then. I wanted tohelp.”
“Helping is one thing. Becoming my rock is another.” He took Nolan into his arms then, not even bothering to wipe the tears from his eyes. “I’m sorry. And thank you. I loveyou.”
