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Go home? Will she call up some of her male friends and talk to them about her progress, about how good she feels now...?I fixed her for me, not for anyone else and the possession I feel makes my head spin and I shoot out with my hand, steadying myself on my chair and I grit out,
“I didn’t fix you simply for you to walk out on me.” The words leave me even if I didn’t intend to say them out loud but the damage is already done. She heard me with her own ears and now she’s watching me with a cautious expression. Hesitantly she sits back down, while staring at me. She doesn’t lay down this time and I don’t sit. I stand as if I’m ready to block the door in case she runs for it.
What the fuck am I even doing?
“How is work?” I grit and she makes a small grimace. “Still not good?”
“She’s worse than ever,” she replies, referring to her boss. “I’ve been thinking about quitting.”
“You should.” Madlen washes dishes at a high end hotel. Six days a week, six hours a day. It hurts whenever I catch blisters on her fingers. Her hands should be soft and unblemished, her ring finger heavy under the weight of a diamond.
Nervousness passes her face and she nods but it’s a weak nod as if she’s not sure if she really should quit. When the clock strikes, announcing the sessions is over she gets up and walks to the door.
“I’ll see you on Wednesday then?” she replies and I nod, opening the door for her and put my hand between her shoulder blades. This is nothing out of the ordinary but this time I allow my hand to slide, go lower and rest there for a while. She gasps, shivering under my touch and her eyes flare when they look at me. Her lower lip trembles and I want to kiss it, nibble and draw her tongue into mine and sip on her like she’s a tall glass of self-indulgence.
“Good bye, Madlen,” I rasp, my hand still on her body and her sweater is soft, her flesh is soft, her whole body is soft. I could die a happy man, buried in all of that.
She murmurs a goodbye before walking out and I close the door, leaning my forehead against it and curse so viciously that the pious community I grew up in would have been mortified. All they cared about was righteousness. All I care about deep down is getting what I want. Which is exactly why I left.
Walking over to the window, I watch Madlen walk out and I clench my jaw. I’m seeing a new patient in twenty minutes and should be preparing for the session but my eyes can’t leave her. She doesn’t cross the street but stops at a bus station.
My heart starts ticking. A sudden need to follow her erupts in me. I already feel like she’s slipping from my fingers and my fists clench. She could try and slip but I’ll only tighten my grip. Madlen is my world, the thing I’ve looked for all my life. She is so different from the women I grew up with, with their long braids and colorless aprons. Madlen knows how to make a man’s blood boil until he’s wrapped up in inferno. I don’t want to let her out of my sight. The tips of my fingers touch the glass. And I won’t.
****
She gets on the bus at the front and I at the back. She greets the driver and there are a couple of passengers in front of me that block me from her view. The way she acts in my office is so different from how she acts when she thinks I’m not watching. In my office, she seems so vulnerable, a girl allowing herself to be studied by a man she trusts but in the outside world she avoids eye contact and doesn’t notice the attention she draws.
So many eyes are on her, including mine but she is oblivious of the power her youth and beauty casts over people. She casts a spell wherever she goes but only I am allowed to respond. Madlen may think she doesn’t need me anymore and fair enough but she will never be free from me. If she searches for what I can give her anywhere else, I will strangle her supply. If I have to I will make her frantic with need until I’m the only one left and she has no choice but to drag her pretty, little tail feather my way again.
Turning my head to the side, I lower it so that our eyes won’t lock and when I look up again my blood turns cold. Casually, as if it’s not a big deal at all she sits down next to a man her own age. She doesn’t even throw him a glance, acting as if he might as well be a woman or a child.
When she drags a hand through her amber curls it catches his attention and he turns to stare. There’s a sweaty, aggressive glare in his eyes as they roam down her body and bile rises in my throat. Has she any idea of what she’s done? Out of all the seats, she had to choose the one next to someone that I now want to kill.
I’m not a murderer. I heal people, I don’t hurt them but I will kill whoever touches her.
Dropping down on a seat in the back, I grab a newspaper and hide my face behind it in case she decides to turn around. Her purse is in her knee, her legs crossed and her eyes are turned straight ahead. The guy next to her is staring blatantly. His gaze is on her full cheek, on the thick curls that cascade down her back and my grip around the newspaper hardens. He better stop watching her before I smash his face through the window.
The bus bumps and grinds but I don’t pay any attention to it. I need all my attention to be on Madlen. She had a boyfriend a couple of years ago. He broke her heart she told me once, shedding a tear and when she left that session, I nearly trashed my office. The thought that another male once had occupied her heart made me livid and I drove myself crazy thinking about the words they exchanged, the kisses, maybe even more...
I drag a breath, straightening when the guy next to Madlen asks her a question.
Don’t answer beloved, don’t answer, don’t...
She turns her head, looking away and the rejection is blatant on his face and I hide a victorious grin. Good girl. When the bus hits one bump after the other, she tilts her head to the side and bites her lip. I bite into mine simultaneously, my eyes flaring when I notice her rubbing her thighs.
The locomotion is exciting her and I shift, sweat breaking out on my forehead and I pull on my tie. The more she rubs her thighs, the closer I am to spill and its dangerous how she wildly tugs at my self-control. At the third bump, I catch a slight arching of her back, her hand sneaking in between her thighs of her crossed legs and my head starts pounding and I drag a hand down my face.
Madlen thinks she’s being discreet, thinks nobody is noticing but somebody other than me has noticed. The guys sitting next to her. His cheeks have turned red, his mouth wet as if he’s close to salivating as his eyes slide from her face to her legs.
She rubs her thighs again and I see red. I’m about to lunge and drag her away from there when the bus comes to a stop and she abruptly gets up. My heart starts pounding and I hide behind the newspaper, watching her over the edge while she makes her way through the crowd. The guy rises as if to follow but I’m already there and with a hand on his shoulder I roughly shove him back down, putting him in his place so hard his shoulder smacks against the glass.
“Ouw...fuck....what the...?” he complains before catching the look in my eyes and he cowers. I zigzag between the crowd, making sure I don’t lose Madlen. She gets off and I’m not far behind. The scarf she’s wearing billows in the wind and its cold out and she seems to be in a hurry.
Why? Because the erogenous pressure in her body is getting too much?
I track her, keeping my eyes on her back as she crosses two streets before ending up at a tall, modest building and she disappears inside. Leaning against a lamppost, I rub my mouth in annoyance.
What the fucking fuck. I follow her one time, one time and I’ve already seen more than I needed to. I was fanatical over her even before but now that I know just how much other males want her it’s even worse. Much worse.
