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What am I doing?
Either I give into Bram or I’m going to have to ask him to leave. He can’t stay here while I at the same time stay away from him. But thing is that I can’t ask him to leave. I turn into someone else when I’m with him, someone who just wants to be loved by him and nothing else.
I’ve never had these kinds of feelings for Morton, no matter how much I tried to force them. Ever since we got betrothed, I told myself that they would change, that I one day would grow to like Morton but they didn’t.
Then Bram came and it’s as if he selfishly has collected all those emotions to himself like he knows he’s the rightful owner. Inhaling, I take a couple of deep breaths and tell myself that I need to calm down. To be perfectly factual I haven’t actually done anything wrong. I’ve said a couple of things I shouldn’t but he hasn’t touched me or kissed me...
We haven’t crossed a line. And I shiver when a small voice in the back of my head whispers,not yet...
I wrap my robe tighter around me because I’m a little bit cold. It’s raining outside and the large, Magnolia tree is thumping on my window from the wind. I throw a look out, my eyes following a flock of black birds that fly by when I notice a big shadow.
Tensing, I clasp my chair, my mouth forming into a silent scream and I’m about to run for the door when I see the intruders face. High cheekbones, slicked back hair and there’s that air that screams of strength and influence.
I silently watch as Bram maneuvers my window, pulling up the glass before creeping inside and I stare at him with wide eyes and my heart swells in excitement even though he has no place being in my room.
“What are you doing?” I whisper.
He’s wearing the same clothes he wore during dinner. Grey slacks, cream colored vest and white shirt with white gold cuffs. A couple of black strands have fallen down his forehead and he stabs them back with his hand.
“Needed to see you,” he rasps, “since you refused to look at me during dinner and you know how I feel about that.”
He hates it. He told me so.
Clutching my chair I whisper, “Why couldn’t you just use the door?”
His mouth moves to the side but he’s not smiling. He’s too serious tonight.
“Bryce is patrolling the halls. He’s paranoid, probably thinks I’m going to corrupt your innocence before his son manages to.”
My cheeks heat and I lick my lips. “You shouldn’t be here.”
“No, I shouldn’t,” Bram agrees but he doesn’t leave. I squirm in my chair when he starts to move around the room, looking at my belongings and I turn nervous when his gaze roams over some of the books in my shelf.
How to be the perfect homemaker. Broomsticks and Bed Knobs-Clean House, Spicy Sex Life.
He raises his brows, looking unamused and I die a little bit on the inside. It was one of the most awkward days in my life when I got those ridiculous books and I could barely bring myself to reading them.
“Miss. Pattie got them for me,” I explain because I don’t want him to think I bought them for myself. “She thought I could have a use for them.”
Bram’s features strain and he picks one up, reading out loud, “A woman including a married one should never wear clothes too tight, unless she wants to attract the deadly snake even at inappropriate times such as when preparing dinner for her husband.”
I feel my face heat and I wish I could sink through the floor because why did he have to read it out loud? And why did I find it strangely stimulating hearing him read those outdated instructions?
“They belong in the trash,” he says and I’m relieved when he closes the book, “along with the Bryce’s ideas of your pathetic future marriage.”
Bram is different tonight. His usual smoothness and that charming smile he typically has around his mouth is gone. Instead he seems raw, more authentic and like he’s done playing around.
It should send me warning signals, it should make me get up and ask him to leave but I don’t. No man has ever been up in my room, not even any of the male employees. But Bram is putting his imprint on it, like he does with everything and the room doesn’t feel as girly anymore. Or innocent.
He moves on from the bookshelf to my jewelry box and my heart flutters when his elegant fingers skim over my jewelry. I don’t have much. Most of it just dull, fake gemstones but there’s some sweet water pearls for when I try to be fancy.
Bram’s head goes to the side in a disproving gesture and he says in a low voice, “You deserve more.”
“I’m fine with what I have,” I murmur, “the Bryce’s have been good to me.”
A low snarl travels up Bram’s throat. “But not good enough.”
I look up at him when he walks over to me and the closer he comes, the less I’m able to breathe. He sucks me in like a black hole but it only makes me want to close my eyes and lean into him even more. I could fall into him and never stop falling if only I was allowed to.
