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Tilting her head to the side, she murmurs, “No, you don’t seem like the judgey type.”
Don’t think I have the right to. It’s not exactly like I have a halo around my head. Amber does, on the other hand.
“I’m not,” I answer, finishing up with the dishes and I cross my arms over my chest. “You?”
The question makes her fidget. “Sometimes...but I suppose it depends on the situation.”
Will she forgive me when she finds out about me? When she finds out about the lengths I’ll go to make her mine? Will she be as blindingly forgiving toward me as I want her to be?
“How do you feel about people who do things that seem immoral in other people’s eyes?”
A frown forms between her dark brows. “Immoral? As long as they don’t cross a line, then I guess I don’t mind.”
I need to know where she draws that line. Need to know, so that I don’t step over it.
“And what’s that line?”
She runs her fingers through her hair, nonchalant, not knowing how important this is to me. “Hurting someone.”
Fuck, I’ve hurt a lot of people. I’ve been entangled with people who were better left alone. Criminals, gangsters, murderers. But the deserved it. Besides, it’s in the past. History.
And what matters is my future with her. A future where she’s all mine and everything that entails.
Her mouth pulls to her side and she looks at me with playful eyes. “Why are you asking me this? Are you planning on doing something immoral?”
Not planning. I already have.
For her. Anything and I mean anything, for her.
3
Amber
My new roommate has been living with me for three days.And thosethree days have gone better than I expected, making me triumphant because Gina was all wrong when she thought it was going to be troubling.
As suspected I like him having here and we’ve already slipped into a rhythm that’s entirely our own. Even if he’s the one busy for work, he lets me have the first shower in the morning and most of the warm water.
When I come down to the kitchen for my breakfast, he already has it ready, frozen berries and milk and ice coffee. He already knows what I like. He’s considerate. Kind.
And strong.
I try not to stare when he leaves for work, dressed in worn out denims and t-shirts that show off his rugged muscles. He always wears light colors, white or pale grey or any other non-threatening shade. By the door he always turns and waves goodbye, his eyes simmering with something that makes my whole body tingle.
I wave goodbye back, watching him in the window as he leaves and I almost feel like a little wifey. My cheeks heat at the thought, because there’s been times when I’ve caught him staring at me, his eyes like pure velvet but his mouth is hard. Like he wants something, sink it into my flesh just to see how I taste. Or maybe to leave a mark.
My heart speeds up at the thought, a slight tremble moving through my limbs. I’ve never been much for men before, always caring more about my music. Music was always number one. The thought of it being replaced by something else, or someone else is terrifying. And thrilling.
Stan has only been in my life for a little while, but I already can’t imagine him leaving. His presence is strangely supporting. He doesn’t even have to say anything, I just have to look into his eyes to know that he’ll have my back no matter what.
But it makes me wonder why. He barely knows me and yet he makes me feel as if he would try to turn the world on its axis just to see me smile. He seems to love my smiles, getting a funny look on his face every time I give him one.
A look that says that I’m all his.
And there’s a threat in his eyes. A threat that says that he’s going to strip me to my most basic self and demand things from me in return that nobody else has needed from me.
I’ve never really belonged to anyone. My body has never really belonged to anyone but me and lying in bed, I stroke my soft curves, wondering what it would feel like to have Stan touching me. He has perfect hands, the caring hands of a maker.
Turning to look at the clock by my bedside, I sigh. Yet another sleepless night. It’s two in the morning and pitch black outside. I couldn’t sleep at all last night either. My mind is too preoccupied with thoughts about Stan and my body is different too, now that he’s here. It seems to be overflowing with a red energy that I just don’t know how to calm down.
