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But now, not only is Sophie NOT crazy, but she’s not talking to me either.
And I have way more problems than I had before I opened my big mouth.
JSC
Jess struggled, fading in and out. She was awake, but it was so dark that she had no idea what time it was, how long she’d been there, or even what day it was. She had no perception of time at all. She merely tossed and turned while her head pounded and her body ached. She slept restlessly, if you could call what she was doing sleep at all, and this time, she awoke tangled in soaked wet sheets, the sweat dripping off her.
The pain was too much to bear, but all Jess could focus on were the words she’d read screaming inside her head. They played over and over, taunting her, reminding her of all that she’d missed and the myriad of ways in which she’d gone wrong. Hoping for relief, she reached for M
yles only to find his side of the bed empty. And in that moment, realized that she was truly all alone. She wanted to get up, to run, and to scream, to tell them it was all a trap—that she wanted out of this. That she would do anything to make it stop. But there was no one there to listen. Just her and pain and the prison of her own mind, which held her captive. She was stuck there with only the bitter taste of regret to keep her company.
Chapter Eighteen
Jess spent the first five days at the beach cottage in complete and utter hell. In the end, cold turkey was modified just a bit when she finally agreed to let Myles give her Zofran for the vomiting, Imodium for the diarrhea, and Tylenol for the aches.
When Jess wasn’t vomiting or sitting on the toilet, or falling in and out of restless—not quite sleep, she let Myles immerse her in the jetted Jacuzzi tub to ease the pain of it all and take her mind off things. There were so many times during those five days she wanted to give up, to throw in the towel. There were even a few times she welcomed death, anything to make her feel relief from the misery that engulfed her. Anything to make her feel better. But she hung on, knowing there was only one way to get back home where she was desperately needed.
During the worst of it, she clearly remembered Myles telling her repeatedly that she was going to be fine, she would get through this, and that the only way out—was through. There were times where the process reminded her of being in labor, only this time, with no epidural and no baby at the end.
In any case, Myles was an excellent caretaker. He made sure the doctor was there every day, and he had done a ton of research on the different vitamins she should take to help her body through the process, and had even come up with his own concoction. He spoon-fed, or more honestly, force fed her Jell-O and saw to it that the saline solution the doctor was giving her via IV was changed out at the appropriate times. He gave her reports of the children’s day and conversed with Addison and her mother daily. Jess found it both easy and hard to be so dependent on someone. It made her uneasy. But it also solidified their friendship in many ways. When one could see you at your worst and still stick around, well, there was something to be said for that.
Thankfully, by day six, she was feeling a little better. The nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea had subsided, and the muscle aches were less achy and the feeling that bugs were crawling all over her entire body had finally petered out. She still felt bad, but at least it was now less bad than before. The detoxification process was an awakening of sorts, she realized. She found that everything was more intense, including her anxiety. She spoke with the children for the first time on day six and assured them, especially her son, that she was getting better and that she would be home soon. But she didn’t address the journal. She decided she would save that for a time when they could discuss it in person, and Jess was well aware that consulting a child psychiatrist would be in everyone’s best interest.
Jess seemed down after speaking with the children so Myles suggested that she get up and go sit on the porch in the sunlight-- that it would do her some good. Jess agreed but lasted all of five minutes before the bright light was just too much.
Upon coming back inside, Jess noticed Myles had moved her set up, everything she’d had at her bedside, from the bedroom to the living room where he’d opened all of the windows. She glared at him disapprovingly. “I just want to go back to bed.”
He shook his head and pointed toward the couch. “The bedroom is for sleeping only from now on. It’s time to get up. I know you don’t feel good, but you can’t hide out in bed all day.”
Jess plopped down on the sofa and curled into a ball. “I’m not hiding.”
Myles retreated to the kitchen and began banging around. “So, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you... back in Austin, when I got bored at night in my room, I always ended up reading some of your writing. It helped me sleep and passed the time when I couldn’t,” he called out, his tone a little too chipper, especially for Myles.
Jess pinched the bridge of her nose. Good God.
He leaned over the counter and peeked around into the living room. “It’s really good. That’s why I put that stipulation in the contract about you writing in order to keep me hanging around.”
“My writing was supposed to be private,” she fumed.
He appeared around the corner holding a kettle in one hand. “Tea?”
Jess frowned. “So you aren’t even going to apologize for invading my privacy?”
“No,” he said and walked back into the kitchen where there was only more shuffling and banging. When it stopped, he lowered his tone. “Anyway, I put your laptop there beside the couch. And a pen and paper, in case you prefer that.”
“Wonderful.”
Myles reappeared then with two mugs of tea, one in each hand. He placed one in front of Jess, sat down on the loveseat opposite her, and propped his feet up. “It appears your son has the same talent that you do.”
Jess sat straight up and glared at him, all the blood suddenly rushing to her head. “Oh, my God! You read that, too? What the hell?”
He waved her off, though he could clearly see how angry she was by the color in her cheeks. It had been too long since her face had any color in it. “It’s no big deal, really. You’re both really very talented. It’s not like it was a chore or anything.”
“I don’t even know what to say to that,” Jess said before she laid her head against the back of the sofa and stared at the ceiling.
“I think you should finish the book. And wow. I had no idea… about your friends, I mean... I’m rarely shocked and well, you’re good. Very good.” He chuckled before continuing. “And I sort of need to know what happens next.”
Jess didn’t speak for a long time. It was easier to pretend she hadn’t heard him.
