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Myles thought carefully searching for the most appropriate response, all the while knowing he was about to tell the first lie he’d told in quite some time. “I’ll be fine. I’m a soldier through and through. I was made for this.”
Jess watched him squirm. She wanted to push back, to be stubborn—to argue with him the way only she could. She wanted to hate him or pretend that she was indifferent, but to her dismay, she was stuck somewhere between love and understanding instead.
She scooted into him, buried her head into his chest, and thought back to the first time she’d seen his face back in that barn. She remembered how she wanted to hate him then with his smug grin, and in that moment realized that she could no more hate him now than she could that first night she spent with him. He’d been right about her back then, and he was right sitting in front of her now. She was a fighter. She would make it through. He wasn’t the staying kind—that much she knew from the get-go. And it had always been just a matter of time before he proved it to her.
Jess wanted to say all of this, to tell him to go, to get out now before it had the chance to hurt any more. She wanted to beg him to stay—but the only words that came were ones that made sense. She snuggled into his lap and let them slip off her tongue. “It’s okay. You know where to find me when you get back.”
He stared at her for a moment. “You don’t have to wait for me, Jessica. I’m not asking you to do that.”
“I know you aren’t. But what else can I do?”
“Move on.”
She sighed. “Oh, Myles. If I had any chance at that, I never would’ve started this to begin with. Love is love. It’s not the sort of thing you can just turn on and turn off.”
He wrapped a strand of her hair around his finger and tugged gently. “You don’t understand what you’re saying. You don’t know how it is.”
“So.”
“So, don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
‘Promises?” She smiled. “Who said anything about promises, Mr. Serious?”
“All kidding aside, I really don’t want you to put your life on hold, Jessica.”
“Maybe not, but you haven’t considered one thing.”
“Oh? What’s that?”
Jess leaned up and pulled his head down as close as she could manage. She searched his eyes until she got the response she wanted. “I don’t have a choice. I’m in love with you.”
“What should I tell the kids?” she asked later that night over dinner.
Myles eyed her in the candlelight and his heart hurt. “Tell them I didn’t have a choice.”
She cocked her head to the side. “I thought you said you never lie...”
“Well, technically, it would be you lying. As for me, I only lie when it really, really counts.”
“And this counts?” Anger was seeping in.
“They’re kids, Jessica. They can’t handle the truth in every situation life throws at them.”
“What is the truth exactly?”
He glared at her as he chewed the bite he was working on and took his time before swallowing. “The truth is that I’m a SEAL. I’ve spent a good portion of my life in the
Navy. It’s a large part of who I am. And anyone in my life needs to understand that.”
Jess threw her fork down. “At what point do those who love you become more important than that part of your life?”
“Your argument is weak, Jessica. I wouldn’t try that one with me.”
“And why would that be? It’s a valid question.”
“Because everything I do out there in the field is for those I love. What do you think keeps us going? It’s not the pay—I’ll tell you that. I’ve seen things you couldn’t have horrible enough nightmares to rival. So don’t tell me that I’m reenlisting because I don’t care. That’s bullshit. And I won’t have it.”
She picked up her fork as the tears spilled down her cheeks and pushed the food around her plate. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
