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He eyed her legs propped up on his dashboard but quickly looked away.
“The pleasure’s all mine, kid.”
Amelie leaned her head against the passenger side window and soaked up the sun. She could practically taste the salt on her tongue and feel the sand between her toes. She was so close, she thought. So close.
Jack pulled the car into a parking lot that read Public Beach. He parked the car and turned to Amelie, who seemed worlds away. “So what’s your plan?”
She turned suddenly and appeared confused. “My plan?”
Jack raised his voice but spoke slowly “Yeah. Your plan. Where are we staying? What are we doing while we’re here? Where do you want to eat?”
Amelie slapped her forehead. “Oh! Yeah, how could I forget? My plan! My plan, Jack, is to have no plan.”
Jack snickered. “That is quite possibly the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“Somehow, I find that really hard to believe,” she said as she opened the door and climbed out. She was halfway to the water with her shoes off before he managed to catch up. She plopped herself down in the sand, dug her feet in, and turned to him. “I don’t get you, Jack Harrison. If you say you’re going to let me call the shots, then let me.”
Jack looked away toward the water. “I’m sorry. I thought I was.”
She picked up a handful of sand and watched it slip through her fingers. “Really? Hence the twenty questions back there.”
“Look, I’m just not all that great at giving up control. So sue me,” Jack said, glaring at her.
Amelie looked out at the tide. “It’s really beautiful, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, it is,” he whispered, not taking his eyes off her.
“Do you ever think of quitting, Jack?”
He studied her face, not quite sure what she meant. “Quitting what?
“Life.”
Jack shifted his whole body toward her then. “Amelie. What in the fuck are you talking about?” he demanded.
“You know, doesn’t it all feel like too much sometimes? Like it just takes so much effort… and you’re not sure you have it in you to keep going. I think maybe I just feel too much. I feel so much all at once sometimes that it’s overwhelming. So much joy. So much pain. And I just want to tap out, you know. To numb it. Or make it go away… I don’t know. For once, I’d like to know what it would be like to feel nothing at all.”
She seemed so despondent that Jack took her by the shoulders, pressing harder than he intended. He stared her straight in the eye. “No, Amelie, I don’t. I’ve never felt that way. Never. You do know that this isn’t normal, right?”
She gave a half-hearted smile. “What’s normal, anyway?”
“Well, not giving up for starters.”
“Then make me want to live, Jack. I’m telling you this because I need you to make me want to live. Because I’m honestly not sure I can do it on my own.”
Jack exhaled and ran his fingers through his hair. “Ok. Just give me some time,” he said. Even he could hear the desperation in his voice. Finally, he added, “You’re right. We should do it your way. You’ll call the shots. And the plan is that we have no plan. How does that sound…?”
She looked down at the sand and then back up at him. “Fun. It sounds like fun.”
EIGHT
Amelie watched Jack as he studied the IHOP menu. It might as well have been the Sunday page of the Times, she commented more than once. “We’re at the International House of Pancakes,” she said grabbing for the menu. He leaned back, keeping it away. “What could possible be taking you so long to decide? It’s really pretty simple, you see. We’re here. You order breakfast.”
Jack dropped the menu just a tad so that all she saw were his deep green eyes peeking over the top. She decided a long time ago that he had kind eyes. Although, she would never tell him that. Jack wasn’t the kind of person who wanted anyone to think of him as kind. That much about him she knew. “It’s the middle of the afternoon,” he remarked. “Maybe, I don’t want breakfast.”
She scowled. “I just don’t understand how anyone could not want breakfast. That’s crazy.”
Jack sighed. And she thinks I’m the crazy one…
