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“But first, there’s something I need to tell you. I need you t
o swear that you’ll never tell another soul what it is I’m about to tell you. Not a single person. You have to promise me that, Amelie.”
Amelie looked annoyed. “All right. I promise. Just spit it out, already. You’re really starting to freak me out.”
He took a deep breath and let it out. “I killed my mother.”
She dropped her camera and glared at him. “Your mother had cancer, Jack.”
“Yeah. But it wasn’t the cancer that killed her. It was me. Essentially, anyway. I mean, I’m the reason she’s not here. I helped her die. I hid her meds. I threw out the food she refused to eat. I lied for her. And I kept her secrets. Maybe if I hadn’t done all of those things, she’d still be here today. It’s just that… she told me she didn’t want to live like that anymore. She begged me. She told me she was sorry, that she’d do anything she could to be there for me, if she could. But that she was sick, and she didn’t want to be sick anymore. I didn’t know what else to do, so I helped her. It’s just, well… I know now that I should’ve done more. But I guess I just figured that if I weren’t a good enough reason for her to want to stick around, then what reason would ever be? I just didn’t expect her to die. I really didn’t…”
Amelie wiped the tears from his face. “Oh, Jack. I’m so sorry. But you have to know… somewhere deep down that you didn’t kill your mother. Cancer did. Cancer is a disease. A disease, which at it’s very being, is designed to kill. You did what you could. But… a ten-year-old kid has nothin’ on cancer. ”
Jack shifted. He sat straight up and quickly regained his composure. “Anyway, she left me all these letters… and I just can’t bring myself to read them. But I need to know, Amelie. I really need to know. It’s killing me...”
Amelie looked at him as though she just had the best idea of her entire life. “I’ll do it! I’ll read them for you. I can help you… make sense of it all.”
He smiled slightly and reached for her hand. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink. What a crock of shit. His father was an idiot. “Would you?” he asked.
“Of course,” she replied toying with his fingers. She paused, looking off at the rising sun, before she turned back. “Oh, and Jack? While we’re spilling secrets here… there’s something I need to tell you, too.” She sighed and continued. “I lied…”
He glanced at her sideways, urging her to continue.
Amelie bit her lip, and then smiled a little. “My mother isn’t really in Europe.”
Jack and Amelie spent one more glorious day together before he insisted it was time he drove her back home to Austin. Even to this day, he wasn’t sure whether or not her mother knew about that little impromptu road trip. Knowing Amelie, he had a strong suspicion she probably didn’t. A few weeks later Jack mailed Amelie the letters. That fall he left for Princeton, where Amelie had promised to visit. There were many phone calls back and forth and several letters. But Amelie told him she didn’t want to discuss his mother’s letters over the phone. It didn’t seem right, she’d said. It was too personal a subject, she mentioned once.
For Jack, everything got better when he went off to school. He loved college life. He was in his element there. He thrived upon the steep competition and regimented schedule it took to maintain at a school like Princeton. Mostly though, he was happy to be out from under his father’s watchful eye and away from the house that contained so many memories.
One afternoon in late October, he returned to his room to find a message lying on his bed. He didn’t get many messages, so he knew right away it was from her. He glanced down at the piece of paper aware of the fact that his heart raced at the mere sight of her name. He picked up the note and read: Call me. I’m thinking about going somewhere for Christmas. And I want it to be somewhere with you. I’m thinking San Francisco... Let me know if you can make it.
For the next seven and half weeks, it’s all he could think about—seeing her. The only way he could even attempt to focus on his final exams was if he’d just hung up the phone with her. They’d talk for hours, late into the night. Jack’s phone bill was enormous, but he swore it was the best money he ever spent.
A few days before Christmas, Jack boarded a plane headed west where he met Amelie in the terminal at San Francisco International Airport. He waited anxiously as the passengers filed out toward the gate. His breath caught when he finally saw her. Somehow, she emerged from the jet way looking not only more grown up, but more beautiful than he’d remembered.
“I have big news. Big News!” she said throwing her arms around him. Jack kissed her cheek and took her carry-on from her hand.
“It’s so good to see you!” she shrieked, squeezing him tight. “How was your flight? How are you?”
Jack smiled, really taking her in. God, he’d missed that girl. No one else had ever been that happy to see him. “Better now,” he said when he could finally speak.
As soon as Amelie and Jack checked into the hotel, they promptly had sex. Which should have made Jack happy but it didn’t. She seemed different in that regard. More confident. And definitely, less innocent. After they finished, he watched Amelie as she stood at the counter and reapplied her makeup. “I thought you weren’t seeing anyone,” Jack hissed.
She stopped mid application and eyed him in the mirror. “I’m not.”
“So you’re not fucking anyone else either then?” he demanded.
Amelie did a double take. “I never said that.”
He threw his hands up. “So you are then. I knew it.”
She turned and faced him. “Did I miss something? Was there an agreement about that?’
Jack felt his face redden. “I didn’t think we needed to.”
Amelie turned back to the mirror and spoke slowly, matter of factly. “So you haven’t slept with anyone, Jack? That’s what you want me to believe? Because I don’t. Not for a second...”
“This isn’t about me.”
