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I don’t want to undress in front of him. I’m afraid he’ll know what I’ve done. In my mind, I imagine that he’ll see the grease from those potato chips glistening on my thighs.
“I’m a plastic surgeon,” he told me once after Avery was born. “It’s my job to notice small subtleties. What kind of doctor would I be if I couldn’t calculate exact measurements on sight?” I was having a hard time getting back in shape. It’s the only time he’s asked me to go under the knife. He knows I’m terrified of needles. This, in and of itself, was enough to push me in the right direction.
That’s when I learned the secrets of dropping weight quickly. They want you to believe that veggies and exercise will do the trick. And maybe they’re right. But starving yourself is easier. Also, if given the choice between broccoli and nothing, I’d just as soon go with nothing.
“In you go,” he orders once the tub is half full. He eyes me from head to toe. “You must be exhausted.”
“I am,” I say, but I don’t immediately budge. I don’t want to undress. I’m hoping he’ll leave me, even though I know he won’t.
“I was thinking,” he tells me. He’s sitting on the side of the tub, removing his cufflinks. “That maybe it’s time to update this bathroom.”
I watch as he unbuttons his shirt. It was a clinical day, which means he spent most of the day alternating between consultations and follow-ups. It’s surgery my husband prefers, and already I know the kind of day he had will make him edgy, restless.
“A remodel?” My husband likes to keep me occupied. He likes to ensure I don’t have a moment of peace.
“It’s a bit dated, don’t you think?”
I laugh. “This bathroom is less than five years old…”
“Yes, but things move faster these days. Plus, we can afford it, and it’d be nice to have a change of scenery—tell me you disagree.”
“No,” I say, glancing around the space. “I see your point.”
“Beth said the clubhouse looks absolutely stunning.”
My face reddens. There’s something about Beth knowing that I’ve spent the greater part of my day scrubbing floors that bothers me. What bothers me worse is that my husband has spoken to her about it. I’m careful not to let it show, because I know if I can keep him talking, if I can keep the mood light, then it will divert attention away from other things. “I’m glad she liked it.”
I begin to undress. “How was your day?”
“Tiring,” he tells me. “But good. Next month will be a busy one.”
I raise my brow. My husband’s business is booming most of the year. Just before the holidays, even more so. People rush in to have their inadequacies tweaked before they have to face them at family gatherings.
“Wonderful.”
He gives me the once over, but I can see his mind is elsewhere. “I was thinking we should get away soon,” he mentions without looking at me. “I think you need it.”
“A remodel and a vacation,” I say jokingly. He cocks his head to the side. “That sounds like a great idea,” I tell him, but as the words ooze out into the space between us, I can see we both know it’s a lie. I signed an agreement prohibiting this. I wait for him to remind me. He doesn’t. Not now. It probably helps that I’m naked and bath water doesn’t ask permission to turn cold.
He motions me forward, and then steps in after me. We take our usual positions, him in back, me facing opposite, the back of my head resting against his chest. “Why do I get the feeling you aren’t being honest with me, Josie?”
“I am being honest. I think a vacation sounds like a great idea.”
He smooths the hair on my head. He runs his fingers through it. He always finds the knots. “And yet?”
“And yet—the very idea of putting it all together feels overwhelming. Especially now. We have a lot going on. The kids have a lot going on…”
“It sounds like I come in last on that list of yours.”
I shake my head. “You don’t.”
He yanks the knot loose. I flinch. He cups my breast. Satisfied, his hand trails lower. I’m not in the mood but it won’t change things. “Prove it,” he says, pushing my head down, and so I do.
“Is there something bothering you?” Grant asks as I towel off.
My eyes water. “No. Why?”
“You just didn’t seem as enthusia
