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I’m allergic to children, so immediately I set him down. I don’t know for sure, but he looks old enough to walk.
I watch as he takes a handful of dirt and shoves it in his mouth. Shit.
Vanessa is digging through a bag. It looks like she’s packed for an overnighter. I know I should brush the dirt away from the kid’s mouth but he’s really got it in there. I’d have to dig, and yeah, no thank you. Hopefully, he swallows before she turns around.
“Oh,” Vanessa gasps when she sees him on the ground. “He likes to eat dirt. And whatever he can find, really. ”
She retrieves wet wipes, and I wonder if there’s a school where they teach you these things.
“Sorry,” I tell her. “It’s still hard for me. After…you know.”
“Oh my gosh. I am so sorry!”
“It’s okay.” I shrug. “He’s just so cute…and my baby was a boy.”
She looks like she might cry. “I’m sorry.”
We sit in silence for a long while. Vanessa lets the kid half-toddle half-crawl out into the playground and then she glances around the park. “I was looking for my water bottle so I could take my pills, but I can’t find it anywhere. Sean says I’m so forgetful.” She smiles. “Sure enough, I’ll go home, and there it’ll be, waiting on the table in the entryway.”
“A sip of coffee won’t hurt.”
She massages her temples.
“Headache?” I ask. I feel one coming on too and I hope she has the good stuff.
“No, these are our daily vitamins. New Hope branded them. Isn’t that funny?”
“Our daily vitamins?”
“Well… yours will be different, since you’re trying for a little one.”
This is news to me.
“What kind of vitamins?”
She searches for the bottle and puts them back in on account of not having the water and the coffee being forbidden. I take it from her. “Do you even know what’s in these?”
She shrugs. “Who cares? They give me so much energy.”
I almost want to pop a few. Her stupidity is draining mine. I shift on the bench and get a good look at Vanessa. She’s hardly older than I am. I shudder to think that could have been me. That this could have been my version of escape, too. That coming here could be my best shot at a break. I take my phone from my pocket and snap a picture of the ingredients.
“They really help with the postpartum depression.”
“The what?”
“It’s a real thing. I didn’t believe in it either…but then moving here…and dealing with being a second wife and all. I guess it wasn’t as easy as I thought it was going to be.”
“Your husband. Where’s his first wife?”
“She died.”
I cock my head. “How’d you meet?”
Vanessa’s eyes light up. “Online, actually. Then I ran into him in person, and we figured out he was the person I had been chatting with all along. Like that movie. What’s it called?”
“I hate movies.” I know exactly the one. This version seems a little different. I can’t yet tell Vanessa that.
“But after Daniel was born, Sean saw me differently. Less like an object of desire. More like a…well, more like a mother, I guess.” She’s looking far off. I don’t know why I’m still here.
