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“Ladies, help me to welcome Mrs. Bolton,” Mrs. Jane says. I’m familiar with her. She’s one of the nicer ones, which doesn’t say much.
“Welcome, Mrs. Bolton,” they chant in unison.
Mrs. Jane asks me to stand. “You aren’t an invalid,” she says. “If you’re well enough to be here, you’re well enough to stand.”
I brace myself against the wheelchair and attempt to push myself up. My elbows wobble. They give as soon as any weight is placed on them. Eventually, I fall back into the chair. I have walked in circles inside the padded room. I have tried jumping jacks, leg lifts, anything to keep up strength. Maybe none of it matters.
Maybe this time they beat me.
“Stand, I said,” Mrs. Jane orders.
I try again. This time I lock my knees and squeeze my thighs together. My calves burn. Everything feels like it’s on fire.
“Now there, you see? This is what true willpower looks like ladies. Willpower is very important in upholding our code of ethics, wouldn’t you agree, Mrs. Bolton?”
I nod my head.
“Willpower is essential to everything, even when —especially when—the going gets tough. Is it not?”
“It is,” I say.
“God is going to test us. The devil is going to test us. But God is stronger, is he not?”
“He is.”
“Very well.”
My left ankle buckles, but I catch myself on the chair. No one moves to help me. They know better.
Mrs. Jane presses her lips to one another. “We thought you might do us the pleasure of reciting the code of honor.”
This is a test. I know the words by heart.
“One,” I say. “Seek mastery in all areas.”
“Good,” she says. “Now go on.”
“Two: Never ignore a friend in need.”
“Three: Submit to a cause greater than oneself.”
“Four: Remain obedient to furthering the mission.” I pause. My legs tremble.
“Keep going,” Mrs. Jane says impatiently. “You haven’t forgotten, have you?”
“Five: Never abandon a group to which you owe your success. Six, serve your leaders with unwavering devotion. Seven: Your honor is more important than your life.” My voice gives.
Mrs. Jane nods at me to keep going.
“Eight: Never deny your spouse what is rightfully theirs. Strength is found in submission.” My voice cracks. I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. The words won’t come, but they’re there. Right on the tip of my tongue. “Nine,” I finally manage. “Family is the cornerstone of everything. Care for them faithfully.”
I collapse onto the floor. Two men come and haul me up by my armpits. I don’t stop speaking this time. “Ten: the world is governed by appearances. Act accordingly. Eleven: Cleanse your home. Purify your heart.” I don’t even know if actual words are coming out. I don’t know if anyone can hear me. I keep going anyway. “Twelve: your body is your temple. Treat it as such. Thirteen: keep counsel; guard your reputation with your life. Fourteen: Never fear harming another with just cause.”
My head is spinning. I am going to throw up. I am going to pass out. “Fifteen: seek like-minded individuals to walk the path of greatness.”
The room goes dark. I say the words, if only to myself.
“Sixteen: Strive for excellence at all costs.”
