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It isn’t until they threaten to bring Emily in that I cave.
“We’re going to work on a bit of mastery today, Mr. Parker. Certain things we need to get straight before we release you. I’m sure you understand.”
I stare at the switchboard in front of me, counting and recounting the buttons. I count thirty buttons.
“I presume you find mastery somewhere between 15 and 40 volts.”
“You still have your sense of humor, I see. This is a very good sign.”
He fingers the switch. “Read aloud the code of honor, please.”
“One: Seek mastery in all areas.”
“Would you say you’ve done that?”
“No.”
“And why not?”
“If I had, I’d be at home with my family.” He renders a shock.
“Read the next line, please.”
“Two: Never ignore a friend in need, in danger, or in trouble.”
“What about this ethos, Mr. Parker? How do feel about it?”
“Oh, this one’s simple. I don’t have any friends.”
He shocks me until my eyes roll back, my mouth goes dry, and my legs go numb. “You’re a member of New Hope now; you can’t think like that. Read the next line, please.” His voice is monotone and irritating.
“Three: Submit to a cause greater than oneself. This one,” I say, “I’m acing.”
“Continue on,” he nods.
“Four: Remain obedient to furthering the mission.”
“What do you think of, when you think of furthering the mission?”
“I think you should go fuck yourself.”
I remember nothing after that.
This place is no different than what happens in the lab with my mice. It’s a human testing facility. I’ve never been so tested in all my life. They have me in an ice bath when they show me a series of photos. “Do you know this woman?”
I shake my head. But then, it’s shaking anyway. Everything is.
“How about this one?”
I shake my head once again, but I can see they know I’m lying. It’s Vanessa. “Shall we bring her in? Along with your wife?”
I don’t say anything because I don’t understand. I’ve given them everything I have. I’ve signed the things they’ve asked me to sign. Days on end without sleep or food will do that to a person, no matter how resolved one might be. I don’t know what more they could want. It’s not as though I could hate myself any more. “We have evidence that you put bruises on her face. We have evidence you raped her.”
I know this is impossible, but when your body is submerged in ice, nothing seems that far-fetched. “Your evidence is wrong,” I manage through chattering teeth. My voice comes out broken and mangled, like the rest of me.
“But it’s your word against hers, though, isn’t it?” Dr. Mueller says. “Any idea how that usually turns out? Do you know what can happen if this gets out?”
I don’t know. But I have a pretty good idea. So when he tells me things are about to get a whole lot worse for me, I believe him. I don’t need specifics. Just a week ago, it would have been another story. I wouldn’t have thought it could get much worse than this. But I’ve since learned it can.
