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“Maybe it’s a ploy to make you stay.”
“Oh, Edward.” She knows he’s joking, at least partly. “Your mom’s coming. And she’s a far better cook.”
“But I want my wife.”
Ali hates that word. She nearly flinches. She’s acclimated to it over time. Hiding non-verbal cues takes practice. “I know.”
“You took vows, Ali.” His eyes darken and Ali hates when he gets this way. She wonders, along with his antibiotic if she’d given him his antidepressant. With everything going on, it’s possible she forgot. He’s perfectly capable of handling his own medication, but when Ali’s home he insists she wait on him. “You promised, remember? In sickness and in health.”
Ali contemplates placing the pillow over his head and bearing down with all her might. She had once researched the number of ways to kill a person and not get caught. In the old days, women used to use hatpins to puncture holes in the backs of their husband’s throats while they slept. Ali thought about it. She wondered how she’d get Edward to keep his mouth open long enough. She wonders if anyone ever journaled aboutthat.This is the problem. Where do you find this information? The library? The internet? Where? Success usually leaves clues, but not this kind of success.Also, Edward has very sharp teeth. What a nightmare it would be if he woke up in the middle of it. It’s kind of difficult to explain away losing your hand that way.
Insulin under the tongue could take care of the problem. But she doesn’t have any of that handy. At least not at the moment, and if there were an autopsy, it would probably show up. Better to wait for natural causes, Ali ultimately decided. Although, who is she kidding? Edward has proven he has at least nine lives.
“I did promise,” she replies softly. “That was the best day of my life. And I’m here, aren’t I? I’ve always come when you’ve needed me. And I always will.”
Edward looks away, toward the television, which is muted. “I saw your interview with Sarah Shepard.”
“Yeah?”
He glares at the TV, refusing to look at her. He gets like this when she leaves. Unpredictable and despondent. “I heard she’s missing.”
“Missing?”
“Yeah,” he says harshly. “As in they can’t find her,missing. As in vanished,missing.”
“Sarah Shepard? That’s—”
“It’s all over the news, Ali.”
“I don’t watch the news,” she tells him, although it isn’t entirely true. Three days tossing and turning on a makeshift bed in a hospital and you start doing a lot of things you don’t normally do.
“Bad things happen when you go away. That interview was disastrous for your career.”
“It could have been.” She sighs. “But it wasn’t. My career is fine.”
“You don’t need to travel anymore. An office here in Boston—that’s all you need. Make people come to you. Or don’t. It’s not like we need the money.”
Ali surveys the condo. She contemplates staying. But she knows she can’t. This place has never felt like home to her. Less so after everything had to be rearranged to accommodate Edward’s wheelchair. He has therapy equipment crammed into practically every crevice. Their marital bed was replaced with a hospital bed. It wasn’t supposed to be permanent. None of this was. Now Ali lays with him until he falls asleep and then she gets up and goes to the futon in the corner. She sleeps like a baby and dreams of ways to end this.
“What’s gotten into you?” she whispers as she rests her head on his shoulder. They’re sitting on the couch staring out at the skyline. “I’ll only be gone a few days.”
He pinches her arm, hard.
Ali pulls away. “Ouch.”
She hates it when he does this. Sometimes he can’t find the words, and he wants to show her how it feels. He wants her to know how frustrating it is to lose control of your life. What he can’t understand is that she does. Not in the same way, but who said pain was equal?
She stands and then bends down and kisses his forehead. To prove a point, she walks away and glances over her shoulder and says, “You never had a problem with me traveling before.”
“That was then.” He throws the remote at the wall, breaking it into several pieces. At least this time it wasn’t the TV. Ali stares at him until finally he meets her eye. He sucks his lip between his teeth. “Things are different now. Remember the accident?” He motions toward his chair.
Ali shakes her head. “How could I forget?”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Ethan
Ipromise myself I’m going to cut things off with Ali. Nadia makes me swear. She also threatens to tell Max. Then I didn’t end it right away and Nadia made good on her threat. When Max catches wind of my situation, he makes me swear on our friendship and our professional relationship, no more contact, lest I continue to put the investigation, his job, and my life, in jeopardy.
