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A monster.
A very sick person, but a monster nevertheless.
I blinked, and the sensation, the glimpse into the abyss, vanished.But the realization that, in some way, she’d succeeded in manipulating me, left me feeling shamed and violated.
“What are you thinking, Doc?”
I started talking.I told her I was thinking that she was sick, and that I was going to help her get better.I told her I was thinking that she was dangerous, and that I was going to get her to a place where she couldn’t hurt anyone.I told her I thought I was safe from her manipulation, but that I was, in fact, wrong.
I kept talking, and the longer I talked, the more hollow and disconnected my words felt.It was like watching a movie where I knew the ending but was powerless to change it.
“I want you to make love to me.”
“That is against the rules, Elizabeth.You know that.”
“Who cares?”
“I care.And you should too.”
“Theruleshave never stopped you before.”
“A mistake is a mistake.”
“Especially if you make it more than once.”
“None of us are infallible, Elizabeth.Not even doctors.”
“Especiallynotdoctors.”
The patient attempted to be manipulative and to control the session.I looked her in the eye, but she didn’t return my gaze.Instead, she focused on the tendons in my forearm.She licked her lips and began to slouch in her chair.She made a series of small, tight circles with her fingertips against the mouth of the water glass and stared at me from the corners of her eyes.She is not the patient who waltzed into my office in the beginning, the sweet and demure socialite.She is something else.Something hungry.Something intent on drawing me in.
Ms.Yarring became increasingly aroused.“Are you interested in my mouth, Doc?”
"I am interested in helping you get better."
"Then help me."A smirk, a brief laugh.“C’mon Doc, you know what we can be.You’ve seen what we can do when we put our heads together.”
“As I said, that was a mistake, Elizabeth.”
“You are so full of shit," she told me with a laugh."We both know it.We’re both adults.”
She leaned forward, cupped my chin in her hands and pulled my face toward her, saying, “Close your eyes.”
And then, when I didn’t comply, “I said close your eyes.”
I closed my eyes.
She told me that I’m a bad man.She told me that she wants me to be bad with her.
She told me to open my eyes.
“See?”she said.“No monsters.Just me.And you.”
My pen slipped from my hand and fell on the floor.I looked down and watched as the pen rolled across the carpet, then I looked up and Ms.Yarring was staring back at me.Her eyes seemed to pierce my very soul.For a brief second, I am reminded of how she was able to stare down the previous administrator and drive the staff to the point of panic.It is unsettling, to say the least.
“Get it, would ya?”Elizabeth said, parting her legs.“I don’t want to get up.I’m too comfortable.”
Another smirk.“But I will if you make me.”
She pointed at the pen.“Are you afraid of me, Doc?”
“Fear is a very healthy response.”
“Don’t worry,” she told me with a come-hither stare.“I won’t bite.”
It was a test, and one that I was very clearly about to fail.
