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Chapter Forty-Three
Grace
Ileave my in-laws and set off on the first leg of what I tell myself is my next grand adventure.I don’t quite believe it.I don’t feel ready for an adventure of any kind, but it feels wonderful to rid myself of Charles’s belongings.And this is something I need to do.
On the highway, I let the windows down and feel the wind on my face.I’ve never felt more free.
I follow Elizabeth’s map closely, finding the box buried exactly as she said it would be.She never told me the amount of money it contained, and honestly, I had no idea it would be so much.In addition to the stacks of cash, there’s a note, which she told me would be there.
The Texas Hill Country is beautiful, and I decide to stop for lunch at a small café.I sit outside on the patio, and I think of Charles.I try not to, but it’s inevitable.I could easily kill him for what he’s done.For what he’s put our children through.But where would that get me?Where would that leave Eleanor, Toby, and Phillip?They’d be out not one but two parents.So in the end, I know I have to do the next best thing.I have to let him go.
I think about the first time I saw him across the room at his parents’ house, standing in the crowd, me on the outskirts.Maybe there was a part of me that’s always known I would have to let him go.
For sure, I can never look at him the same way again.
I think about how badly I wanted to believe that we would last forever.That the two of us would grow old together.Now I can’t imagine a world in which that happens.
I think about my time in the institution, and how I tried to keep the faith when I was in there.It was all I had.
I may never know the full truth about Charles.Or the truth about the affair, the how and the why.Was it his first one?Probably not.Had he moved us to Willow Lane on account of Darcy?Probably so.
It is what it is, I suppose.Sometimes you have to come to terms with not knowing while also holding the understanding that you cannot—that you will not — allow yourself to be betrayed again.
I’ve found there’s duality in most things.
What I do know is that I really, really loved him.And maybe that’s the best you can hope for.To know that at least that much was true.We had a good run, Charles and I.
I plan to ask for a divorce, but I want to let the dust settle.Something doesn’t seem right about serving Charles papers in a nursing home.That, and I fully expect him to file first.It might be easier that way.
A little boy with a toy train catches my attention, and I realize I need to get a move on.I wonder if maybe I’ll get back here someday, if the children and I could make a home in this town.
There’s still lots of stuff to be sorted out before we get that far down the road, but I like the idea.Before I head out, I make a pit stop at the ladies’ room.On my way out, I deadpan, pausing in my tracks.On the wall is a black-and-white photo of Elizabeth.She’s standing with her arm wrapped around a man and a woman, her head tossed toward the ceiling, mouth thrown open in laughter.
“That woman,” I say to the waitress at the counter.“The one in the photo—” I don’t know what I mean to say, or what I really want to ask, but thankfully the woman finishes my sentence.
“That’s Lizzie.”
“I know her.”
The woman smiles.“She’s everyone’s favorite customer.”Her nose scrunches up.“You seen her?We miss her around here.”
“Me?”I shake my head.“No.It’s been awhile.”
“Yeah, well, that’s Lizzie for you.”Again, she smiles.“Tell her Barbara says hello, if you see her, will you?”
“I will.”
