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“That last flash you told us about must have been horrible. You’re lucky to be alive, Devon. Mike had burns over fifty percent of his body, but it was the smoke inhalation, burns to his airway, that was listed as the cause of death.”
Devon felt weighted to the pillow, like he couldn’t move. His doctors had told him his burns were extensive to his face, neck, chest and arms. Now here he was, hearing that Mike’s burns were over fifty percent of his body.
“You’re more than lucky to be alive, Devon,” Chief Saint said softly.
“Am I?” Devon asked, wishing he were dead.
“One of the reasons you’re alive is because of your strength. You were in the same place as Mike and George, yet they succumbed. That must mean you still have something special to do. I’m honored to have you on my team, Devon.”
Wiping the sleeve of the isolation gown across his face, Charlie was angry at himself for giving way to tears. Not believing any of what Charlie had said, Devon didn’t respond right away, the fear of self-pity being exposed enough to keep him silent.
“I guess that means I’ll be coming back to work when this is taken care of,” he finally said, circling his bandages with a finger. “I’m not sure about that.”
Survivor’s guilt and guilt about leaving George on the ground started to haunt Devon.
“It will be different with Mike gone, I realize that,” Charlie said. “You two signed up together. He was my nephew and I’ll really miss the guy, too. But you’re an integral part of our team on your own. Besides that, I want you to lead the honor guard at his funeral.”
“I’ll think about it,” Devon said, beaten. “Right now I just want to get home to my dog.”
“Where is Tilly?”
“Lila, the woman who just left, is keeping her for me.”
“Is she a girlfriend?” Charlie asked.
“No, she’s just a friend. My neighbor. And she’s single. Why? You interested?”
“Yes,” he said. “Leave it at that. When you get around to it, I’ll take a more extensive introduction.”
“It hurts when you make me laugh,” Devon replied, trying to control his facial muscles and losing the battle.
Charlie sidled up to the side rail on Devon’s bed, worried. “You think she’s too young for me?”
“Not at all. You’re the perfect age for her, as a matter of fact. Don’t worry about it. I’ll handle it. You just be ready when it’s time to make the introduction.”
“I’m counting on you. Now I’m psyched. I can’t do the online dating anymore. The last woman was at least sixty and she claimed to be forty-five.”
“Chief, you’re killing me,” Devon said, trying not to laugh.
“Right, sorry, buddy. I’d better get to the station. Everyone’s asking about you, but I’ll discourage them from coming.”
“Probably for the best for now.”
After Charlie left the room, Devon quickly sank to a level of despair he didn’t think possible. His normally upbeat persona couldn’t navigate losing Mike. Then he thought of Aisling. What was she doing? How was she handling the loss? Feeling lost, he wanted to talk to her, but didn’t know what to say. Maybe, selfishly, he was just looking for a way to feel better, and that would be at her expense. No, he wouldn’t call her, although he glanced at his phone on the side table. He’d leave her alone for now.
Plus he wasn’t at his best, that was for sure. With hair burned off and the top layer of skin as good as gone, the blackened areas on his face were covered with a white cream that stunk, and his neck and arms were dressed in gauze.
On the morning of Mike’s funeral, a nurse helped Devon get into his dress blues. He’d participate as an honor guard, but he wasn’t able to be a pallbearer because of his injuries. Big Mike Saint said Devon would be alongside the casket if Big Mike alone had to carry Devon himself.
“On my shoulders, like you carried my son out of that fire,” he said, crying.
It was the afternoon of the day after Mike died. Devon was still in a deep, overwhelming depression. He’d fallen asleep after Charlie left, and at one, a tap on the door woke him up.
“It’s Big Mike.”
Devon sat up, hardly believing Mike’s father would come to see him. Surely he would be livid that Devon had lived when his son had died.
“Come in,” he finally said. “Your brother just left.”
