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Chapter 3
The next day, puttering around her house alone, Lila resumed her routine, feeling both a sense of relief and also of longing. Having lived alone since her parents moved to a retirement community, Lila was set in her ways and was becoming worse with each passing day. Allowing the intrusion of Devon and his little dog into her life was one thing, because she thought they’d make a great couple. But when he’d made it clear it was never going to happen, she was able to let her fantasy go.
There was just enough interest in other people to take care of their pets if need be, or make them soup when they were sick, or even bake a cake for a special day. But beyond that, exposing her fears and frailties, no. She would not allow herself to need Charlie Saint. Vulnerabilities would stay undercover, at least for now.
It didn’t take much imagination to see after one day that it would be difficult for him to leave Lila. But work called, and he had a three-day sprint ahead of him. It would be good for them, Lila thought, because the urge to allow her animal instincts to take over and let him drag her to bed were strong. And she really wanted their relationship to move beyond that. It was too easy to fall into the trap of relying on sex to fill all the emotional voids a bad relationship might create.
They had had coffee for two hours, which then turned into a two-hour dog-walking hike, which led to dinner at her favorite sushi restaurant, and then a movie, where, amusingly, they both fell asleep.
“What was that movie about?” he asked as they walked to the car.
“I’m afraid I don’t know, either. We can catch it on On Demand in a month.”
He kissed her goodnight at her door, but didn’t ask to come inside, and she didn’t invite him. But the kiss was full of promise, soft, long, and included a smooth, cold tongue. She wondered if she’d made any noise when he kissed her, because the charge it left between her legs all but knocked her to her knees. When he was done, she held on to him like they were saying goodbye for the last time, and he held her tightly as well, kissing her forehead, smoothing her hair back from her face to get a good look, then holding her against him.
“I’ll call you from the station tomorrow if you’ll be around.”
“I’ll be here.”
“If I’d been thinking, I would have brought my bag so I could stay. It might be wise though, at least this first time. Give you time to think.”
“I don’t want to think.”
“I don’t either,” he admitted. “I wish I never had to leave you again.”
“Really?”
“Really. If you knew me, you’d know how out of character that is. I mean, I’ve never been with anyone I didn’t want to get away from before.”
Laughing, she nodded, understanding. It was the origin of the one-night stand. Lie with someone for a while until the need passes, and then get out as fast as you can. Don’t let anyone get close enough to know you.
“You must have loved your wife at one time.”
“No, I don’t think I did. I wasn’t going to go into this on the first date because it feels kind of disloyal, but she got pregnant and I didn’t love her, but I married her and had a life with her because it was the right thing to do. Now after twelve hours, I think I’m in love with you. I never loved before and now I do.”
“Wow, Charlie. Just wow.”
Still in his arms, she could hear his heart beat. Was this what she wanted? A man to love her, maybe for the rest of her life?
Lila was afraid of commitment or she’d have been married by now, wouldn’t she have? She was the joke around Devon and his friends: too old for anyone at the firehouse. But what about Charlie? Why hadn’t anyone mentioned him before?
“Think I’m really lucky I met you in Devon’s hospital room,” she admitted. But she wasn’t going to say I love you, too, at least not yet.
“If I’m going, I’d better get out of here.”
“Call me when you get home,” she said, leading him to the car. “Don’t take the shortcut at night.”
He nodded and waved, getting into his car. “Go back up,” he said, nodding toward the house. “I hear a coyote.”
Smiling, she did as he’d asked, letting him think she would stay inside, not revealing that later, if the mood struck and the sky cleared, she might drag a lawn chair out and sit under the stars with a blanket wrapped around her, wearing a winter hat, and drink a bottle of wine, alone.
After his lights disappeared down the driveway, she got Tilly and leashed her up for one last jaunt around the house. Tilly was such a sweetheart, but having her even for the few days while poor Devon was recovering from his hell was a commitment that under normal circumstances Lila wouldn’t make. Even a pet required too much from her.
“You’re just a selfish bitch,” she said out loud, and Tilly’s head cocked to the side, trying to understand. “Not you, sweetheart. Tilly, you’re making me a better person.”
Then she laughed, her voice echoing across the black canyon.
The drive back to Rancho Santa Fe gave Charlie that dreaded time to think. Falling hard for Lila Conner, he liked everything about her. She even smelled good after the long day together. One of the positive parts of the day with her was discovering he could still get an erection. That thought made him chuckle. So he wasn’t dead after all, just hibernating. He’d always been leery of beautiful women for some reason. They were intimidating. Lila wasn’t like that at all; plus she didn’t expect anything of him.
