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“It’s not your fault,” she replied. “Kids get bullied. And as an adult, if a woman is big and her boyfriend is hot looking, she’s a target for whoever wants to attack. He’s never given me a moment’s concern about the way he feels about me, but I can see he’s trying to protect me from everyone else, and it’s making me nuts.”
“Why is it making you nuts? It’s what a man is supposed to do for a woman.”
“I feel like he’s enabling me, I guess. Like he’s making it possible for me to keep eating so I can stay fat instead of facing the consequences.”
“Protecting the woman in your life against cruelty is not enabling. I’m not a medical expert, Em, but you’re not fat. You’re just a voluptuous woman. Like I said, my sister…”
“Aunt Grace,” she intervened, taking a mouth full of coffee.
“Aunt Grace has the same body type. If you look at photographs of the women in my family, they are all zaftig.”
Choking, Emily had coffee coming out of her nose, laughing at the word. Getting out of his chair, Rob pounded her on the back, further embarrassing Emily, whose laughter had segued to tears.
“Yes! What a friggin’ perfect word for what I am. Zaftig! Like a pig!”
“That’s not what it means and you know it. You have always,” and here he stumbled for the word, “embracedwho you are. Why is something as momentous as your wedding to the man you love making you doubt yourself?”
Finally composing herself, she wiped her face with a paper napkin, ruining her carefully applied makeup. Rob hovered at her side.
“I don’t know,” she wept. “You’re right. When we’re together, I’m fine. I surfed, I wear my bikini in front of him, we dance, I eat—it doesn’t make any sense. I’m sabotaging my own wedding day.”
Rob went back to his seat. “First thing, be honest with him about your suspicions that he is shielding you from the firehouse.”
“It’s not even that so much as I’m worried he’s embarrassed. That he’s ashamed of me, and whatever comments the men are making are finally hitting home. How do I know that he’s not having a bunch of doubts right now?”
“Again, Em, the only way that you’ll know is by honestly confronting him. Just ask the guy. Tell him what happened today, that you confronted some of your own misgivings, and you’re looking for his feedback.”
“Okay, I’ll try tomorrow. Of course all of this comes up as I have to go back to work.”
“Wedding plans will do that to the strongest relationships. It’s a big commitment. And like Mom said, you’re getting into it fast. You want to be with him and not live with him, but that brings up so much more that being together for a bit longer might have resolved.”
“I don’t want to live with him, Colonel,” she said, pushing her plate away. “That feels like such a copout. I’m too old to live with a guy, too. It’s something young people do.”
“You’re young!”
“Not really. I mean young, young. Like college young. Plus he already did that. I don’t want to be just another girl he lived with.”
They sat across from each other, pensive, for another minute.
“You ready?”
“I guess so,” she said, frowning. “What do I do now?”
“What’s on your list of things to be done at home? That’s always a good place to start.”
“Okay. It sounds terrible, but you’re probably right.”
They drove back home so she could get her car. “Hang in there, sweetheart. I’ll try to give you space this week.”
“That’s probably the last thing I need.”
She got in her car and drove north on the I-5 and, deciding that she was going to indulge in some single-person behavior, stopped at the grocery store for a giant party-sized bag of potato chips and a huge container of onion dip.
Chapter 7
At midnight, sick to her stomach but proud that she hadn’t eaten the entire bag of chips, Emily was on her way to the kitchen to get rid of the evidence when she heard the alarm bells echoing throughout the canyon from the fire station. Adrenaline always pumped into her system when she heard the siren, but now that she was in love with one of the participants, fear for Paul’s safety exacerbated the excitement.
Her phone beeped, and she looked at the face to see a text from Billy.
