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“Do you have a condom?”
“I don’t. Not on me. Do you?” he asked.
“I might.”
I got out of his arms and went into the bathroom. In a drawer, I found my condom stash but just took out two. I didn’t want him to know that my level of preparedness was because of my former escort business in Chicago.
“Do you want to take a shower with me?” I asked, standing in the doorway, every bit of my common sense floating away.
“Yes.”
I woke up around four o’clock needing to go to the bathroom, with Ryan spooning me, snoring softly in my ear. As carefully as I could, I slipped out of his arms, grabbed up my pjs, and snuck into the bathroom. When I came out, he’d rolled over but was still snoring. I tiptoed out of the room and shut the door, stopping at the linen closet on my way for a sheet, a pillow, and blankets. I’d stay on the couch until it was time to get up. I didn’t have to be at work until nine, thankfully.
Lying there with my eyes open, I thought about what had happened. Having sex with Ryan had felt completely natural, like we’d been preparing to do it all along. When he’d tried to get inside, my body had resisted him, and it had taken some work. He’d looked down at me and said, “It’s been a while?” and I’d nodded. It had been a while. But I knew it was because I had resisted him. What had made having sex with Ryan Maddox suddenly right?
Like everything else lately—the job, the baby, the new friendship with Eimy—I thought being with Ryan was just naturally something that had happened at the right time. No red flags or warning bells went off. And the idea that he’d told me he was HIV positive instead of leaving it out gave me a sense of trust that I hadn’t expected. Ryan? Trustworthy?
I eventually fell asleep, and at seven, I woke up as he leaned over me to kiss me goodbye.
“I’ll text you today,” he said. “What’s the policy on getting calls during work hours?”
“You can call,” I answered. I couldn’t help myself; threading my arms around his shoulders again, I hugged him. “Please call.”
He kissed my cheek again and straightened. “Can I see you tonight?”
“Yes,” I answered, forgetting that Eimy might want to stop by again soon. I’d be honest with her. As unseemly as it was, I was planning on staying involved with Ryan until he left for Taiwan.
“Okay. I’ll bring a bag this time,” he said, grinning down at me.
I watched him leave the apartment, and when the elevator bell went off, I snuggled down into the pillow again for another hour of sleep.
