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I shook my head and interrupted. “No. You don’t even have to explain. Youalwaysput everyone else first. Youshouldbe happy when someone else finally puts you first. Don’t ever feel bad about that.”
A nervous expression crossed her face before she leaned toward me a little. “Can I…”
I didn’t make her finish. I met her the rest of the way, my lips crashing against hers.Fuck, I’d missed the feel of her lips against mine. The moment I felt her tongue brush against my lips, my body came alive. It didn’t take much from her to get me going, and I wanted more. So much more.
“We should calm down,” I said, pulling back. “Otherwise, going on a first date will be pointless.”
She laughed. “Ugh, you’re so damn good. I’m glad one of us can be.”
I’m happy you’re glad… because I’m dying over here.
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
TEMPERANCE
Three months. I’d been at Crestview forthreewhole months. How the hell did that happen? Thinking back on all the shit I’d been through, I honestly had no idea how I’d survived so far. I’d been pulled out of Indiana to “keep me safe,” but it turned out I wasn’t much safer here. Though, I suppose it could have been worse.
We were two weeks from Halloween, and I couldn’t wait. When I’d gone out shopping with Justin, we’d grabbed enough fabric to make Luna’s costume as well as mine. She’d told me what she needed for hers, but not what the costume would be. When I saw the finished Morticia Addams dress Luna had designed, my heart nearly exploded with happiness. She was agenius!We spent a few days working on it, and it wasperfect.
Luna never told me what hers was until she’d finished it, and she modeled it for me last night finally. It lookedwaybetter than anything I would have dreamed up for her. She made the red Princess Jasmine costume from the end of the movie, where she’s under Jafar’s control.
The red satiny fabric and gold accents looked like magic against her dark skin, and her grey eyes made it pop. She looked like a goddess in that costume. I was pretty sure no one would be even the least bit surprised at my costume choice, but they’d probably be shocked by Luna’s. They would probably assume she’d have gone as something sexy-nerdy or gothic, like me. Maybe even something silly, like a pregnant nun.
I couldn’t wait for the big Halloween party. Even with everything going on, I felt like it would be a good time. It had been four weeks since the stunt Becky, Melinda, and Harper pulled, and I’d been focusing hardcore on myself. My body was like a machine again. I felt stronger than ever.
I’d been training with the Muay Thai instructor three times a week for an hour, and he wasrough. I had to wear headgear because he wasn’t afraid to punch me directly in the head with most of his strength. That’s what I’d asked for, though.
I didn’t want to be coddled like I was in those kids and teen courses back in Indiana. I wanted arealtrainer who would train me to fight and survive against an opponent who was bigger and stronger than me. It’s why I’d opted for Muay Thai instead of Karate this time around. Muay Thai was similar in some ways but different in important ones. It focused more on strength and the force of my strikes. It would take what I already knew and make it more brutal.
Asher must have figured out what I was doing because he slid a note into my backpack in class one day with the name and number of someone who could teach me holds and other techniquesspecificto women fighting off larger men. It was more of an advanced self-defense course, but it was very helpful. I’d only taken one class a week on the weekend, and I was already able to take down much larger opponents.
I still had a long way to go to be where I wanted, but thanks to the years of previous training and practice, my extremely focused dedication right now had allowed me to grow at a rapid pace. In the next couple of weeks, my Muay Thai instructor planned to start bringing other fighters with him of varying sizes.
He wanted to start with advanced students from another instructor’s class, so I could fight against people who didn’t have his style. It would allow me to assess my weaknesses to adjust my training going forward. If I excelled at that, he would bring other instructors with him. Rotating them out.
To be honest, I’d never heard of doing this kind of training, but it was California. There were a lot of things out here money could buy you, and I had money to burn. I still saw it as blood money. So, I planned to use it to survive. I think my dad would have enjoyed knowing it went to keeping me safe and making me stronger.
Along with the rigorous class schedule, I worked out almost non-stop. My body had changed quite a bit in a short amount of time, and I could see the lines of definition in my arms and back becoming even more noticeable. It was pretty awesome. My thighs, however, were a problem. Buying jeans and anything other than skirts was annoying. Justin had offered the name of a tailor, and as bougie as it sounded to me, I needed to take him up on it. I wanted comfortable clothing that fit outside of school.
I thought with Becky and Melinda gone that things would slow down for me, but Harper had been true to her word. My rejection of her—no matter the reason behind it in her mind—set her off. She’d worked even harder to make my life a living hell.
I was pelted with a smoothie in the hall a few days ago, my locker was filled with foam of some kind, badly photoshopped photos of me were plastered all over Crestchat, and rumors were started that I was fucking other guys on the football team to get back at Damian and Asher. And “lucky” for me, Trent, Michael, and the others weremorethan happy to back that up.
It was annoying. It was dumb as hell. It pissed me off. But it didn’t bother me. My goals had kept me sane. They could try to tank my mind all they wanted, but I knew I was stronger than them, and it made me feel more powerful than them, too. It dampened the damage they could do.
I wasn’t naïve enough to believe it wouldneveraffect me. Like before, I knew it would take a slow burn-like toll on me and wear me down over time, but my new outlook on things made that burn even slower.
The only thing that worried me were the swirling rumors about Damian. He’d done his usual bullshit of ridiculing me, calling me names, telling people he’d paid me for sex because I was a charity case, and other stupid stuff, but none of that really stuck. What worried me was the same thing that worried me weeks ago.
The rumor he had abigsurprise coming. One that would completely end me.
The longer I went without figuring out what it was, the worse the anxiety became.
Virtual therapy appointments had been a blessing—even though we were still working within the confines of the limited truth I’d told him—and such rigorous training and working out had decreased my dependency on the medication I needed for my anxiety attacks.
The psychologist was quite happy with my progress, and so was I, but the dreams were still there. And since the rumors about Damian and his coup were getting worse, the dreams had been more frequent and worse as well.
I had three months down, and seven to go. I kept telling myself I was almost a third of the way through. If I could do that, I could last the rest. Plus, there would be a few breaks coming soon as well for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Those would probably buy me some time to recenter myself.
