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“Must be a surprise to find that I don’t match your vision.” He looked out the window and stared for a moment. What could he see through the blinds? Was he wishing for an escape?
I got up from my chair and headed to the file cabinet. I opened the drawer all the way and pulled out the bottle of bourbon under the Z file.
I shook my head. “It’s not even a bourbon that begins with Z. Why not have it under the B file?” I threw him a smile, but his own lips didn’t waver in humor, though he was watching my every move. Almost like he was drinking in the years he’d missed, as if studying me would make up for lost time.
“Maybe we don’t talk about her just yet,” I voiced. “Maybe it’s too soon and we should just—I don’t know—try and talk like two normal people.”
“We aren’t normal though, are we? Thrown into this fuckery.”
I unscrewed the cap on the bourbon and took a sip before handing it to him. The liquor burned, but then warmed my insides, melting the ball of ice that had lodged itself in my throat since the moment Knight had shown me the photo of him and my mother.
He took a long drink and then sauntered over to the couch and sat down. He leaned back, stretching his long legs out in front of him.
“I don’t know what to do here,” Knight said suddenly. “I want to hear it all. I want you to tell me all about you and how you grew up and if you were happy. I can’t believe this shit—that you somehow wound up in this life when all your mother wanted was to keep you out of it.” He frowned. “It’s why she left me. It’s why she didn’t tell me she got pregnant. It’s why she left Coeur d’Alene.”
“Did you know she went back to Waco?”
“Yeah.”
Thoughts swirled through my head. “How did you two meet?”
“She was waiting tables at a diner just outside town. I was newly patched in, looking to throw some swagger around.” He smiled in fond remembrance. “Your mother wasn’t impressed, but I wore her down enough and after a time she gave me a shot.”
“How?”
“I found out she liked boats. My buddy had a small speed boat and let me borrow it. I took her to a picnic on the other side of the lake and she started to fall for me. I was exciting to her. Something more than just waitressing and making ends meet. We were inseparable that summer. Except when I had club business. It was fine at first, but after a while, and a few times I came home with black eyes and blood on my shirt, she started to lose her cool. Said she wanted more out of life and a relationship than what I was giving her. We were both really young. Your mom had dreams, and that didn’t include being a biker’s woman. Her being left in the dark, wondering, waiting if shit was gonna go down, or if a brother would come to the door with bad news about me was too much for her.”
My breath hitched. I’d had the same thoughts when I realized what it meant to be with Colt.
“The night she left,” Knight said, his voice soft in the still air, “we had the worst fight of our entire relationship. She was pissed and hurt that I chose my brothers over her and what she considered a respectable life. She’d talked about her parents, not a lot, but a bit. I knew their background, the families they were a part of. But I didn’treallyunderstand where Scarlett was coming from. This life—the club life—was all I’d ever known. Scarlett’s parents left Chicago, right? Neither one of them wanted to be involved with either of their families’ legacies. It was easy for Scarlett to choose something better because she’d had that example, you know? Her parents wanted her out of a life of crime. Me?” He shook his head. “My dad was club president. Mom was a club whore who didn’t care that my dad dicked around on her. I was twenty years old when I was patched in. Your mother was nineteen. We had no idea what life was gonna look like.”
He shrugged, like he was trying to shrug off the past and his regrets.
“So I let her go. That night, she asked me if I really loved her. Asked me if I loved her enough to let her go and be happy with someone who could give her what she wanted.” He dropped his head in sudden exhaustion. “I let her go. She took my heart with her—I never got it back. Made the two women after your mother miserable for it. Made the mistake of marrying one.”
“Are you married now?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Nah. Divorced. Your mother was the love of my life.”
“Any,” I licked my suddenly dry lips, “any kids?”
“No. Just…you.”
Just me.
Knight talked of legacies. Was this mine? Born from criminals? My mother’s family on both sides belonged to notorious gangster families. And my father—Knight—was president of a biker club.
And now I’d taken up with Colt.
Mom had wanted something different for me. Something different for herself. So she’d left Knight and I’d grown up without a father. I’d grown up without a mother, too, and in some strange twist of fate that upbringing led me right back to a life with Colt.
“I came to Waco once,” he said quietly. “A few years after she left. Walked right into your grandparent’s store and there she was behind the counter. She looked the same as the last time I had seen her.” He shook his head. “No, that’s not really true. She looked…settled into her body. Lived in, you know? Like the few years apart from me had made her an adult or some shit. Though now I realize it might have been because she had become a mother. I don’t know.”
I nodded in understanding. “There’s something that happens in your twenties. Like you become sure of yourself in your body. I know what you mean.”
He smiled slightly. “Yeah, exactly.”
“What did she do? When she saw you?”
