Page 18 of Reckless Abandon


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Nice and Slow

Even though Nathan had a tendency to be an asshole, there was something about him that kept drawing me in. I wanted to be the bitch who gave him the cold shoulder, and ignored how that sexy man made me wet between my thighs. But I couldn’t. At the club, he'd said some things to me that pretty much brought me to tears, and I used G to piss him off. Or maybe make him jealous, I don’t know. I just know I wanted him to hurt as much as I was. It seemed to work. When he came out of Damon’s office and asked to walk me to my car I used my best “teacher face” to try and act mad. But honestly, with him it didn’t work. When Nathan looked at me with those deep, golden hazel eyes my knees went weak and I giggled like a little school girl.

I knew when I invited him over I was asking for trouble. The man made me feel things I haven’t felt in a long time. I was nervous and tongue tied and seemed to have a permanent smile around him. Nathan had this knack for getting under my skin. He could go from being the sweetest guy ever to the asshole who avoided me at every turn. I wasn't sure what his problem was but by inviting him over I hoped to figure him out a little bit.

I knew I was lonely. I missed having a man in my life, and it wasn’t just the physical connection either. I missed sharing meals with someone; missed arguing with someone over what to watch on television; I even missed the toilet seat being left up.

Nathan was the first guy that had even looked my way since my divorce, and there was a good possibility I was just seeing what I hoped to see. There was just one major problem. He wasn't looking at me. He was looking at my stripper persona, Vaughn. Holy fuck, I can’t believe I have a stripper name. And he keeps calling me butterfly. I was sure it was a reference to my tattoos. If only he knew butterflies were a symbol for miscarriage, and my tattoos were a beautiful reminder that I had two angels waiting for me in heaven. At the same time, they were a symbol of something I could never have.

When he offered to make me breakfast, I was slightly in shock. I couldn't remember a time anyone had ever cooked for me before. Granted, I was with Lucas for the last nine years and he couldn’t cook for shit, but still it was a sweet gesture. The guys I'd dated before weren’t much better. Usually barbeque. That’s how I learned. I could grill a mean steak, if I did say so myself. I just sat and stared in awe as he maneuvered his way around my kitchen.

I figured now was as good of time as any to ask him why he called me butterfly. I automatically assumed it was because of my tattoo, it was sort of obvious. Yet his answer shocked the hell out of me, but he was so right. I was a different person each time he saw me. The first time we met was my birthday and I was myself. Well, kind of. I looked like myself but Rose had introduced me as Vaughn. The next time was my first night at the club with the red wig, and then the night of my first stage performance as the naughty student.

I excused myself while he was beginning to cook and went into my bedroom. If I wanted Nathan to like me, he had to know me. The real me, Ryann Michelle McKennan—I needed to change that. But how much would I let him know? I couldn’t tell him what I did for a living. No matter how much I liked him, it wasn’t a chance I was willing to take. Did I lie or just omit any unnecessary information? Slow down, Ryann. Start with you physically. Blonde hair, brown eyes, jean shorts, and my Miranda tank. I'd just be myself…whoever that was.

For the next couple hours, we talked about all the random first date crap. As hard as I tried to focus on what he was saying, all I seemed to be able to see was the fine specimen of a man sitting next to me. He was in physically impeccable shape. His swollen biceps were well defined and etched with some amazing artwork. The tight fitting white t-shirt clearly showed the six-pack that he was trying to hide under there. The loose shorts that he was wearing showed his strong legs which were also covered in tattoos. My number one turn on when it came to guys was tattoos. Well done, sexy body art could be an instant panty dropper for me.

I was actually relieved when Nathan chose to sleep on the couch. Not that I hadn’t wanted his fine body lying next to me as I slept, but it’d been so long since I’d had sex with anyone, beside B.O.B, that I didn’t really trust myself with him. When I awoke, I was disappointed to find Nathan had left already, leaving me to wonder how he got home or back to his bike. When I went to make my morning coffee, I found a note from him, on the counter.

Butterfly~

I hope you slept well. I enjoyed getting to know you this morning. I want to know more. I will see you soon.

Nuts

The more time I spent with him, the more I like who he was. I didn’t know much about him, but was eager to learn more. As much as I was interested, I still had reservations. For instance, why was his personality kept going hot and cold on me? Honestly, it made me nervous. The sweet Nathan made me feel so safe already. Something about our situation made me want to jump all in. Well, as much as I could. Damn, I hated starting out a relationship, if that’s what this was, with a lie. Fuck, I had no idea what to do. When in doubt, call Rose.

“Look, honey,” she said, “I’m not sure what to tell you, but you have to do what feels right. Obviously, you two have a thing for each other. But his hot and cold attitude sucks. I know there’s a story behind him. Get to know him. Hell, make it a summer fling. When you go back to your real life you can walk away knowing you had a kick ass summer.”

As usual, Rose was right. It was time for me to stop feeling sorry for myself and enjoy life a little. Having that teacher instinct in me, I'd always had the need to plan out everything before I did it. Always making sure that one foot was carefully placed in front of the other. It was time to throw caution to the wind. Well at least for the next couple months. I grabbed my phone and logged into Instagram. I found @IGotTheNuts21 and followed him back. Step one.

Later that afternoon, as I was doing my usual day off cleaning, I heard my text message alert. Butterfly? This must be Nathan but how did he get my number? He must have gotten it from one of the girls at the club. I wished they wouldn’t give out my number without asking me. That was kind of sketchy. Then I remembered I left my phone on the counter this morning. He must have texted himself before he left. He asked me out for tomorrow, but I knew I didn’t want to wait that long to see him again. The summer would be over soon and then it was back to the reality of being a kindergarten teacher.

Rib-eye steaks, potatoes and corn on the barbeque were my specialty. I ran to the store and got everything I needed, including the ingredients to make the Flaming Doctor Pepper Nathan seemed to like so much. One my way home, I stopped by Rose’s and asked her to teach me how to make the shot the same way she did. It was not nearly as hard to make as I thought it would, and I aws shocked as hell to find out it doesn’t even have any Dr. Pepper in it.

When I got home, I finished cleaning up my condo. Surprisingly, one dog could make a huge mess each week. I lit the few coconut and pineapple candles I had around my small living room. Something about the beachy scents brings me back to growing up in Santa Cruz. One of my favorite memories as a child was walking along the different beaches with my dad and collecting the unique looking shells and rocks that we would find together. On one trip to Maui, we found fresh coconuts and he showed me how to get the milk from them. We sat together on the beach and watched the surfers and drank our breakfast. He used to tell me he couldn’t wait to teach his grandkids how to surf. That was our last vacation together. He passed away a few years ago. Every time I hear, Somewhere Over the Rainbow by IZ I believed my dad was having a surfing playdate with my angel babies.

Shortly after seven, I heard Nathan’s Harley pull up in my driveway and right away Roxy started barking like crazy. Most of the time, the neighbors didn’t complain because she only barked until she saw who was at the door. I had already started the barbeque and music playing through the patio speakers. Hopefully Nathan liked a little country. When I answered the door in my Kiss the Cook apron, I hoped he took that as a hint.

It was actually a really mild night for mid-June in Las Vegas, so we decided to take advantage of it and eat outside on the patio. The way the sunset made his golden eyes sparkle was memorizing. I found myself getting lost in what he was saying. Crap, I needed to stop and actually pay attention. Our conversation started out a bit awkward. There was no denying the shock my entire body felt every time he looked me, or how my knees went weak just by the slightest touch of his hand. We spent thirty minutes talking about what shows we have and haven’t seen here in Vegas. Half of that was spent arguing about which Cirque du Soleil show was better.

“What brought you to The Cave?” Nathan asked.

That one caught me off guard. I slowly chewed the piece of steak in my mouth to give myself a minute to think. “My show is on hiatus for the summer. So I needed to pick up some extra cash. Bills don’t pay themselves.” Okay, I think I pulled that one off. Yet it almost looked like my answer disappointed him. I wondered why. Was being in a show such a bad thing?

“So why the different looks?” he continued.

I really should have given more thought to my cover story. “I enjoy being an actress. Each night I'm a different character out there on stage. The different looks help me play those parts. Plus, my show frowns upon side jobs.” I remembered what Vanessa had told me about playing different parts.

“Are you enjoying working there?” He cocked an eyebrow.

At least that one I could answer honestly. “Yes and no. Do I like taking my clothes off for strangers? Not necessarily. But the money is great and it’s getting me out of a difficult situation. I love the people I work with. I feel very safe at the club. And it’s giving me more self-confidence than I've felt in years.”

As we took our plates into the kitchen, I asked Nathan if he wanted to relax in the hot tub for a bit before they closed the pool area down for the night. By the smile he gave me I think the liked my suggestion. “Go change. I’ll be back in a couple of minutes.” I ran back to my bedroom and started digging through my drawer of swim suits. Living in the land of pools for the last twelve years has taught me you needed a suit for every occasion. Tonight was sexy, but definitely not slutty. I decided on my simple black two piece. The bottoms fit my ass like a glove and are held together on the sides by two elastic straps. The tight triangle top held my 36Ds in just right. I threw on my pool cover-up, sandals, grabbed Nathan and I some towels and headed out to the living room to meet him.

He was in the kitchen, shirtless, pouring the wine he brought into my tall plastic Starbucks cups when I retuned. “I figured your pool doesn’t allow glass, so I decided to use these instead.”

“Perfect. Very impressive artwork there, nuts. You can really tell you're into your poker playing,” I told him as I slowly ran my fingers up and down his back.

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