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The First Cut Is the Deepest
With Ella going back to Jordyn’s in a couple of weeks, and Ryann having the rest of the week off, I figured that it was the perfect time to take my girls on a weekend getaway. I knew how much they both loved New York so I'd hoped that it would be the perfect trip for them to bond. When we boarded the jet and my J-Ella Bean chose the seat next to Ryann instead of me, I knew the surprise trip was perfect for both my girls.
Even though Ryann had been to New York before, she had no problem letting Ella drag her around playing tour guide. The patience that Ryann had with my daughter was amazing. She reacted to everything Ella said like it was the most interesting thing she'd ever heard. I could see from the way Ryann was with her, and the way Jackson talked about her, that she must be amazing with her class. She would make such a wondeful mother.
While Ryann and Ella were in one of the many shops they decided to go in, I scrolled through Facebook and Instagram. I was surprised to see that there were new postings on Ryann’s Vaughn Haley page. What the hell? Postings from G. Pictures of Ryann and him in bed together. Holy fuck. They were even kissing in one of them. Can’t wait to do this again. Really? Ryann fucking lied to me. She did fuck G.
Feeling my blood starting to boil, I didn't know if I was angrier that Ryann had slept with G, or that she lied to me. She'd told me she didn’t sleep with G, but I didn’t know what to think with these pictures. And why the hell would he post them on social media? My head was fucking spinning. The worst part of it all was I had to wait to say something because I would not make a scene in front of Ella.
The rest of the evening was quiet. When we got back to the hotel, I tucked Ella in bed while Ryann went and started a bath. Once we were in the privacy of our room, I confronted Ryann. The anger in my eyes created such a hurt in hers. Hurt or not, pictures don’t lie…people do. My head was all kinds of fucked up.
The last thing I expected in the midst of all this was for her to tell me that she loved me. What the fuck? I knew I should have stayed but I needed to get the hell out of there. Without saying a word, I walked out on her. Leaving her there alone.
I went down to the bar and tried to sort through everything that had happened today. Did I really think she had sex with G? No…yes…I don’t know. First shot of whiskey down. I didn’t think she’d lie, but it’s not like she was completely truthful with me either. Second shot down. My girlfriends' face was out there as the “stripper squeeze” of the most notorious NFL womanizer. Third shot…fuck that one burned. She fucking loved me. Double shot. She said she loved me and I just walked out. I really was a fucking asshole.
As I sat there and scrolled through the pictures over and over again, they suddenly all became unavailable. What the fuck? The Vaughn Haley Instagram just disappeared. Gone. Holy shit, Ryann must have deleted it. Was she telling me the truth or was she just trying to hide the evidence of what she did? But the fact that the pictures were with Richard Grovanski meant that they would always be out there. I had two choices here. One: believe Ryann and get over all of this or two: walk away.
I stumbled my way back up to our room and crawled in bed. Pulling her in tight, I told her I was sorry and that I loved her. She pretended to be asleep; she had the cutest little snore when she slept so I knew she was awake. I knew she heard everything I said. For now I’ll just let it go. I didn’t want Ryann to think the only reason I said this was because I was drunk.
The flight back to Vegas was awkward and quiet. We both knew what we said to one another. But she was hurting and I was drunk. I knew that’s not how either one of us planned on sharing those feelings for the first time.
When I dropped her off at home, Ryann could barely look at me. And worse, she said virtually nothing to Ella. I told her I would bring Roxy back in the morning. As soon as I got home, I wanted to take Roxy right over to her. But I wasn’t ready to talk to her yet.
On Monday morning, Cristina came back to drop off some things that Ella had left at her house. I told her about everything that happened in New York.
“Nathan, do you really love her or was it the whiskey talking? Ryann has been through so much in the last few years and the last thing she needs is you adding to that,” Cristina lectured me.
“I do…at least I think I do. But these pictures are hard to deny,” I admitted.
“Okay, I understand that. But to quote one of the best TV lines of all time—'You were on a break!'” Cristina shouted.
“Really?” I glared at her with my best evil eyes.
“So if you can’t take Ryann for her word, then there’s only one other way to find out. Ask the football guy. You say he’s at the club all the time. So straight up ask him.” Honestly, I didn’t know why I hadn't thought of that before.
At that same moment, Roxy came charging in and started to lick Cristina’s feet. I about died laughing watching her freak out at the toe licking pit bull. “What the fudge?” she screamed. That made me laugh even harder. But it also reminded me that I still had Ryann’s dog. I needed to take Roxy back, but I still wanted to get my head on straight.
“Huge favor, sis. Will you please take Roxy back to Ryann this morning? I really want to say and do the right thing here and I don’t think I can do that if I'm alone with her.”
“Really? Okay. I'm not going to question you, but figure this out, Nathan, for both your sakes,” she said, sounding disappointed.
I spent the rest of the day trying to figure out what to do next. I loved Ryann, and now even though it was in the midst of a fight, I knew she loved me too. I knew I didn’t want to walk away, but the hurt ran deep. I knew that she spent the night with G, but she told me she didn’t have sex with him. But those damn pictures; Ryann was in his bed, in his shirt, kissing his mouth. Break or not, it pissed me off. I understood she needed someone that night after the ordeal with Lucas...but fuck!
I hated that I was avoiding Ryann. There was no other way to admit it except that I was scared as fuck. I wasn't sure what would happen if I found out she was lying to me. Would I be able to forgive her? But worse, what if she was telling me the truth. Would she ever be able to forgive me?
I went to the club on Tuesday night to talk to Rose. I knew it should be Ryann that I was talking to, but for some reason I was more willing to try to get something out of her best friend. Figuring it was her night off, I was surprised to see Ryann's Challenger in the parking lot. I could hear her voice as I made my way to Damon’s office. As I drew closer, I couldn’t help but eavesdrop.
“Damon, I resigned from my teaching job yesterday. With all the pictures of me on the internet, I took the precaution of quitting before they could fire me. But now I don’t have a job. Is it possible that I could stay on? At least until I find something else?” Ryann asked.
“Of course, Ryann. You have a place here as long as you need it. But how does Nathan feel about all of this?” Damon asked her.
“He doesn’t know. He hasn’t spoken to me since he saw the pictures on that Instagram page Rose made me,” she explained. I could hear the hurt in her voice.
“Don’t waste your time on that asshat! You know I’m single right?” Damon laughed.
“On that note, I’m gonna go talk to Rose,” she laughed with him as she got up and walked out. I darted into one of the hallways so she didn’t see me.
As soon as she was out of the back room, I made my way into Damon’s office. “So how much of that did you hear?” he asked me.
