AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I just can’t right now.
It’s probably my fault. Actually, I think it’s most definitely my fault. If I could just get over this hump, or whatever it is that is holding me back, and tell Rachel what’s going on then maybe we wouldn’t be fighting. But speaking to her about my mom, about what my family is going through, makes me feel like then it’s true. My mom is actually dying.
And honestly, I’m not ready for the truth right now. I’m only twenty-one years old. I want to stay in my little Lala Land of pretend. I don’t want to lose my mom. It’s too soon for her to be going away.
I groan and wipe my face, hating myself for being so emotional. I feel so drained, yet I’ve hardly done anything. And it doesn’t help that today is Saturday and I only have a day or so left until school resumes.
So much for a relaxing trip.
I tiptoe through the hall, grimacing when a creak sounds and pausing, waiting for Lucas or Rachel to throw open the door and demand to know where I’m going. I’m actually surprised Lucas and Seth didn’t come upstairs yesterday and demand to know why we were fighting. I was actually thankful for that bit of privacy, although I had a feeling they would probably demand to know when we were back at the apartment.
Ugh. This whole situation is messy. Maybe this relationship or whatever I have with Rachel isn’t working. Maybe it’s time to call a quits on… us.
I sigh, standing in front of the door, my hand hesitating in front of the handle. If I leave now, what does that mean? Does that mean it’s truly over between me and Rachel? Or does that mean our fight is on pause? Will this also be the end to my relationship with Lucas and Seth?
I drop my hand and look up the staircase, tempted to stay and resolve everything. I really missed Rachel. I really, really care for her. More than I have cared for any other woman other than my mother.
If this relationship fails, it’s not on Rachel.
It’s on me. It’s my fault. I’m the one who’s being the asshole. I’m the one who’s not opening up to her.
She deserves so much better than me.
With that last thought, I take a breath and force myself to open the door, stepping outside into the snow and walking down the long path towards the bus stop.
