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I smash my shoulder against Logan, tackling him against the fence. “Shut it, Logan!” I shout while grabbing his throat and keeping him there. “Just shut the fuck up!”
Logan smacks my hand as he gasps for breath. I feel people pulling at me and my eyes widen, realizing what I’ve just done. I release him and step away, watching him crumble to the ground while my hands shake. My body moved on its own. I didn’t mean to. I should apologize to Logan, but the words remain stuck in my throat.
“What the fuck, Hunter!” I hear Coach shout.
I turn around and watch him run towards us while Logan chokes and sputters. Matt smacks his back, his gaze off me while he helps Logan up.
“Benches!” shouts Coach. “Now!”
I don’t think. I just move. My whole body shakes as I walk towards the benches. My heart is hammering. I can barely catch my breath. What is wrong with me? Why am I acting like this? I pull off my helmet so I can breathe better. My face feels both hot and cold. The world around me feels as if it’s spiraling and I have no clue what to hold onto to keep myself in control.
I drop onto the bench next to my duffel bag, trying to control my breathing. The bench vibrates and I hear a buzz coming from my bag. I reach inside, grabbing my cell phone and finding Mom’s name on the screen.
I shove it back in my bag.
I can’t.
Not now.
Whatever she has to say, it can wait until tomorrow. I know it can’t be good and I already feel terrible. What am I going to do? I can’t talk to my mom, because we’ll just wind up talking about her dying and I can’t imagine going through all that right now. I can’t go home and face my friends, because they will just continue to pester me and I will continue being a fucking asshole to them. I can’t play football, because otherwise I will just turn into a crazy jerk.
I just want something to take all this pain away.
I grab my phone and flip through my contacts until I stop, clicking on the name I need.
I text: Hey Millie, is there a party going on tonight?
