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Maybe.
My heart is pounding in my chest when I finally see the art school coming into view. I try to think of the notes I wrote in my book, which was for the cops. I guess I can use the same notes to help me tell the girls what happened. I reach into my purse and stop walking, finding only my wallet, keys, and phone inside.
I close my eyes and tilt my head up to the sky. Great. Wonderful. I left my notebook at home on the bed, now didn’t I? I inhale a deep breath and count to ten before expelling it from my lungs. I don’t feel any better so I do it again. I do it until my toes are numb and continue breathing in deeply as I enter the school.
I don’t feel any better. My heart is still slamming in my chest. My whole body won’t stop shaking and I don’t think it’s just from the winter air. I trudge up the stairs, which are currently covered in melting snow. I clamp my hand around the banister as I slip, nearly falling several times. I can’t seem to focus on walking. I’m too nervous.
What if Josh is there?
What if they call me a liar?
I stop when I reach the third floor. I hear laughter coming from one of the rooms. It sounds like Charlie, but I’m not a hundred percent positive. It could be anyone.
What if they already left?
I lift my head and jut out my chin before taking in another breath. I force myself to step towards room 302. The door is already open and I poke my head inside, looking around and finding Charlie and Lauren sitting at one of the large tables. I’m so thankful Josh isn’t anywhere in the vicinity, but I wonder if he’s coming later or maybe he’s already left.
Their bags and coats are strewn all over the other tables. Sketchbooks rest in front of them, but it seems they are looking at their cellphones while listening to some indie band playing in the background.
Some studying, I think while stepping inside.
Lauren lifts her head and her smile falls into a deep scowl. Charlie looks up, straightening in her chair as I approach them. She tucks her phone into her sweater pocket and rests her elbows on the table. She leans towards me while I slowly lower myself in a seat in front of them, feeling like I have just entered into a terrible job interview rather than a meeting with my friends.
“Hi,” I say awkwardly while looking between the two.
Lauren scoffs and looks away while Charlie says, “You wanted to talk?”
“Yes,” I say while my gaze slips to Lauren. She looks so angry with me. She’s supposed to be my friend. “I want to tell you my side of the story.”
Lauren rolls her eyes and I lean back in my seat, crossing my arms in front of my chest while I watch her. I don’t understand why she’s being like this. Sure. Josh told her some terrible things about me, but shouldn’t she want to hear my side of the story? Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty?
“Alright, well your five minutes have started,” says Charlie while mirroring me.
I nod. “So, the both of you know that after I had a spat with Seth, Josh offered me a couch at his place.”
Charlie nods while Lauren turns her narrowed gaze on me.
“Well, one night we decided to watch a movie together,” I chuckle nervously while pushing my hair away from my face. “It was innocent, you know. And I thought, sure why not?” I grind my teeth as tears prickle my eyes. It’s still so hard for me to talk about; thinking about how innocent I had been at the time. “Josh wanted me to drink. I can’t remember what it was, but I told him no. He kept on insisting.” I inhale deeply. My voice is getting shaky and slightly shrill. I take another breath, trying to calm my pounding heart.
Charlie looks worried. Her arms are no longer crossed. Her mouth is set in a firm line that makes her look older than her age. Lauren doesn’t seem like she cares whatsoever. She’s staring at me as if I’m a cockroach she needs to squash.
I swallow and urge myself to continue with my story. This is good practice for when I tell the cops on Monday. “So I kept saying no. As the movie went on, Josh started kissing me.”
Charlie’s eyes widen while Lauren scowls at me.
“I liked Josh at the beginning, but after my fight with Seth and getting kicked out of my apartment, I wasn’t in the mood to start anything up. I told Josh no, but he kept pressing me.” I grind my teeth as I remember standing up, remember him grabbing me and pushing me down on the floor. I whimper and shake my head. I need to get this out. I have to.
“So,” I say with a shuddering breath, “I tried to leave, but Josh wouldn’t let me. He grabbed me. I fell. He tried to climb on top of me. I remember- I remember him undoing his belt and-”
“Stop,” says Charlie while placing a hand on mine. I look up and find her glimmer eyes watching mine. She sniffs and I see she’s trying to keep herself from crying. “You don’t need to continue. I believe you.”
“What?” Lauren shouts while shoving back her chair and standing. She looks between us, scowling with her mouth ajar, as if she wants to shout or scream. “You must be kidding me. You believe her over Josh?” She shoves a finger into Charlie’s face. “You know she’s just trying to turn the tables.”
Charlie makes a face, looking like she’s torn between yelling herself and trying to remain calm. “Yes, I remember what Josh said, but honestly he didn’t seem as choked up about it.” Charlie nods to me. “She’s trying desperately not to cry and here you are acting like a bitch. Do you really think she’s a liar?”
Lauren nods. “Yes. She’s a liar. Josh would never force himself on anyone. Josh is a good guy.”
“Please,” says Charlie while rolling her eyes. “Good guys can become bad guys. Trust me.”
