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I need to go before I do something stupid. Again.
“Are you leaving?” Alex asks, poking his head out of the bathroom, looking like a puppy who’s just had his bone taken away from.
“Yeah,” I say while looking away. I stroke a stray strand behind my ear, grimacing when I touch the place he had been biting. I’m probably covered with hickeys.
Seth will just love that. Not.
“You can stay,” Alex says, his voice so soft.
I wince. He’s probably really lonely. I’ve most likely ruined everything by not sticking to my boundaries. My head lifts, and I watch the water drip from his soaked hair, now glistening with red. I follow the droplets down his chiseled chest to his washboard abs where they disappear beyond the towel tied around his hips. He looks good. Really good. The red hair suits him. I can’t trust myself to stay.
I shake my head, but the motion is forced. My head is fighting with my heart, both wanting two completely different things.You need to speak with Seth and Hunter,I tell myself again, like it’s a mantra.
“It’s getting late,” I say, turning away from him and closing the last few steps towards the door. “I should get going.”
“Well, let me walk you down to the lobby. I wouldn’t be a good guest if I didn’t escort you out.”
I don’t say or do anything. I wait for him to change, hearing him curse, then some shuffling from behind. He lightly touches my arm, but I don’t look at him as he walks with me towards the elevator, following me inside. We stand silently. He’s barefoot and wearing sweatpants. His hands are shoved into his pockets. I feel as if my heart is cracking into tiny little pieces, like I’m being tugged back and forth.
But I’m not a child. I know what’s right and wrong.
Maybe not everything is so black and white.
The elevator dings and I quickly stride through the opening doors towards the lobby. I brush my hair to the front, worried any prying eyes would discover what Alex and I had been up to. However, besides the receptionist, the lobby is empty. I pause at the door, feeling Alex’s hand on my arm. He slowly turns me around and lifts my chin up so I can meet his sad gaze.
“I-I had fun,” he says gently.
“I had fun, too.”
“Get home safely?”
I bob my head. My heart stills as he leans forward. I wait for his lips to brush mine. My body anticipates it, wants it. However, he kisses my forehead. It’s so soft, almost like nothing, but my face heats and my heart swells. Slowly, he pulls away, twiddling his fingers and mouthing bye. I stand there, watching him leave, wanting to run after him and pull him to me.
I force myself to turn around and trudge out the door. This night turned out completely different than what I expected. I wanted to see where things would go with Alex, that’s true, but I wasn’t expecting things to move so quickly. I thought they would fizzle out and die. I figured we had nothing in common. I never expected being around him to be so easy.
The bars are still going, and I pass them, hearing men and women singing and the crash of bottles breaking. I pass by the old running store and the Coffee Shop, wondering how I’m going to get through the next semester with Alex in my French class. There’s most likely going to be more fighting with Seth. I can just see it.
He will definitely be angry to know about Alex trying out for the Olympics.
I pause as I approach my apartment, seeing Seth running down the steps, dressed in running shorts and a flimsy tank. Small puffs of air escape him in the cold and part of me wants to run over to him and hand him my jacket. I stop on the sidewalk, waiting for him to come towards me. His eyes widen for a brief moment before narrowing into a deep scowl.
I sigh.Still angry with me, I see. I grimace and stroke my hair against my neck. I’ll tell him the truth, of course, but hearing it is different from seeing it.
“Hey,” I say while raising a hand.
Seth lowers his head, jogging in place while moving his hands up and down. “You’re out late,” he grumbles.
“Yeah.” I rub the back of my head awkwardly. “Going for a run?”
Seth rolls his eyes. “Obviously.” His frown deepens and he closes the distance between us, leaning in close. “What is-”
I grimace, knowing exactly what he’s looking at.
His eyes widen and his jogging halts. “Are those what I think they are?”
I nod. My stomach twists itself into knots, making me feel nauseous.
“Lucas and Hunter are inside,” says Seth, his voice a near shout. “So, who the fuck-” His eyes widen, and he takes a step back as if he’s been punched. “Don’t tell me-” He tosses back his head and laughs bitterly. “Oh, my God. You must be fucking kidding me. Alex!” He throws his hands up in the air. “You were with fucking Alex. Of course!”
